Barber Clippings

Discussion Guidelines # 7

2012-02-01T09:06:00.001-08:00

...see previous posts on "Guidelines"

12. Do we want to have a rule of confidentiality:

a. What we say here stays here?
This is essential if we are to develop a trusting group. Many people assume that elders, preachers, and other leaders will keep confidences. This is where people are often hurt. Assuming is not good communication. Too often Christians don’t keep personal matters confidential. I like to talk about it. What does it mean “What we say here stays here”? What if we discuss the weather or read John 3:16 in the group? Can we not take that out of the group? In our staff meetings at Berry’s Chapel, we developed the “church bulletin rule”: if we talk about something in a staff meeting that we would print in the church bulletin, we can talk about it out of the group. If we wouldn’t print it in the bulletin, we won’t carry it out of the meeting. If there is any question, it is best to check with the person or people to whom the information belongs.

b. Will I take care of myself, telling the group only what I trust them to keep?
After we have established this rule, I encourage new members to doubt that as long as they need to doubt it. Anyone can say what we have just said, “What we say here stays here.” I believe that faith grows through “creative doubt.” Creative doubt is doubt that asks questions and sincerely wants to know the truth. It is my observation that it took about two years in our Third Monday Workshop to establish trust in the group where we could talk about serious, personal issues. After establishing that trust in the core group, new members do not seem to diminish the readiness of group members to discuss what they need to discuss. Since August of 1988, I don’t know of a matter getting out of the group. That’s powerful! That’s encouraging to have that kind of support group.

...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines # 6

2011-12-31T11:50:00.001-08:00

...see previous posts on "Guidelines"

10. Will we have a right to disagree with each other?

In several decades of leading groups, I have always gained permission for disagreement in the group. I’ve said that if I ever get a group where we can’t disagree, I want to talk first because I like my opinions better any those of anyone else. But I wouldn’t learn very much.

11. Will we settle group business in the group or will we get in small groups afterwards and talk about each other?

Polarizing begins to take place when we start talking about each other instead of to each other. If it is group business, it needs to be addressed in the group.

...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines # 5

2011-12-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

...see previous posts on "Guidelines"

1.D 8. Do you want to have a rule that we will not make fun of what people say in this group?

We can laugh with people but not at people. How can we know if we are laughing with or laughing at? The first test is to see if the other person is laughing. I cannot laugh with someone who is not laughing. But I may need to ask the person being discussed if it feels like we are laughing with him or at him. Solomon said, “Sorrow may hide behind laughter, and happiness may end in sorrow (Proverbs 14:13, The Contemporary English Version). This brings us to the next rule.

2. 9. May I, as a leader, have a right to interrupt?

If I have any question, I will ask the person who is the focus of the laughter, “Does it feel like we are laughing with you or at you?”. Several years ago, I was leading a group. After an elder’s wife had made a comment, someone said, “That’s the way Yankees are.” The group laughed. I asked her, “Does it feel like we are laughing with you or at you?”. She replied: “We have been living here fourteen years and worshiping with this congregation. We have taught Bible classes. We have been involved in the work. It would really feel good to be just a Christian, a member of this church and not a “Yankee Christian.” We learned a lesson that night.

...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines #4

2011-10-31T18:32:00.001-07:00

...see previous posts on "Guidelines"

6.    Will each person speak for himself or herself or will we speak for others such as “they,” “them,” “everybody,” and for God as well?

     How many times have you heard, “A lot of people are upset;” “Several are unhappy with the preacher”? When asked for names, the reply often is, “Well I can’t tell you who they are, but there’s a bunch.” I like to have the guideline, I’ll speak for me, you speak for you, and let God speak for God.

    Unless you have been elected to the House of Representatives or the Senate, you do not have permission to represent anyone in this group except yourself. I don’t know who the “several” are. I don’t know how many are in a “bunch.” I would be interested in knowing what you think. I will value what you say.

7.    Will we have a right to all our feelings: the painful as well as the pleasant?

     Some people are convinced that there are good feeling and bad feelings. I think there are pleasant feeling and painful feelings. But it is my understanding that all our emotions are given to us by God and are good for us. I need to be responsible how I act on my emotions, but they are all helpful. I usually mention the four “feeling groups”: mad, sad, glad, scared.

     We can be sad. We have tissues. If Jesus can cry (John 11:35), I can cry. We can be scared and talk about that. We have a right to be angry. Jesus was angry (Mark 3:5). Therefore, it must not be sinful. Paul said to be angry and not sin (Ephesians 4:26). You have a right to be angry. You have a right to be angry with me. You can talk about being angry with me. However, you do not have a right to hit me or tear up the furniture. There is a difference in what we feel and what we do with out feelings. We can be glad and laugh. There is a qualification on that which is included in the next guideline.

...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines #3

2011-09-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

...See previous posts on "Guidelines"

4. Will we speak one at a time? 1 Corinthians 14:27-33

If we are working as a group, I show disrespect to the group in general and to the person speaking in particular when I begin a private conversation with my neighbor. If it relates to the group, it should be shared with the group. If it doesn’t relate to the group, it can be held until a break.

This has been the most difficult rule for me to enforce as a leader. I have been leading the Third Monday Workshop stress session made up of preachers, elders, youth ministers, and other interested Christians in the Nashville, Tennessee, area since the fall of 1989. Three times I have come to the group to suggest that we agree to dispense with this guideline because it is violated so often. It is embarrassing for me to call to account preachers and elders who are older than I am and have more education than I have for talking when they have agreed not to talk. But each time the group has assured me that it is important to the group process. We still have the guideline and it seems that it has been observed better.
When others start talking when someone has the floor, I pause the one talking, turn to the interrupters, and wait for them to finish. I then turn to the first speaker and say, “You may continue.” I have not had to do this in a couple of years.

5. Will we talk where others can hear or will we speak softly and in small groups where others will not know what is being said?

This is a follow-up on the previous guideline. Unauthorized sub-grouping will destroy the group. It drains energy and attention when some obviously do not think the person who is speaking has anything as valuable to say as what they are saying.

...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines #2

2011-08-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

1. See the introduction of Discussion Guidelines in the previous blog.

1. 1. May I be the leader of this group?

I need the group’s permission because I only lead those who give me permission to be the leader. I may have the authority. My name may be on the brochure or church letterhead as preacher, elder, or Bible class teacher. But if the group doesn’t give me permission to be the leader, I will not lead. How much authority does Jesus have (Matthew 28:18)? How many people is He leading? Jesus is only leading those who give Him permission to be their leader. Many are invited, but only those who desire take the water of life (Revelation 22:17). He wanted Jerusalem to follow Him in protection. But they were not willing (Matthew 22:37). I don’t have the authority of Jesus. I will not be the leader if the group doesn’t give me permission.

2. 2. Will we start on time (WWVB; www.time.gov, +, - 15 seconds)?

We penalize those who come on time when we wait for late-comers. Often the question is not whether we will start on time but when is it time. I use a radio controlled watch and clocks. They are synchronized by the National Institute of Standards and Technology radio station WWVB in Ft. Collins, Colorado.

3. 3. Will we quit on time?

Especially in a workshop setting, this helps the group learn to operate within limits, boundaries. That is the way the world operates. It is a good practice since it respects everyone’s time.

...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines #1

2011-07-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

Many discussions, classes, and meetings where there is conflict break up and/or become unproductive. It may be that the leader(s) did not know the value of guidelines.

Amos asked, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3). We don’t have to agree on everything. But if we are going to travel together from Nashville, Tennessee, to St. Louis, Missouri, we must agree on some things: What time will we leave? What kind of transportation will we take? Who will drive? The clothes we wear and the food we eat along the way can be individual choice, but we must agree on the basics of the trip.

Often “family rules” are unconscious, unspoken, but understood. That means we rarely think about the rules, usually don’t discuss them, but people pay a price when they disobey them. It is my observation that it is better to have our rules conscious, spoken, and understood. Then we can evaluate them and change them if that would be helpful to the group: family, congregation, work group, or sports team.

I use a form of these guidelines any time I am leading a group: counseling, workshop, auditorium Bible class, preachers’ workshop stress session, congregation “Family Meeting,” or conflict resolution. Many conflicts arise because we are playing by different rules.

I will discuss the ideas behind the guidelines. James Jones introduced these concepts to me. I watched him in counseling sessions, classes, and leadership workshops. It was amazing how stress went down when I knew the boundaries. It was safe when I played by the rules and believed that others would do the same or be held accountable for not doing so.

These guidelines need to be negotiated–not commanded. Simply reading them to a group will not get buy-in. I like to discuss them and talk about why they contribute to group health. I take about ten minutes with a group where most of the people are familiar. I take about 1½ hours in doing a Saturday church meeting during a conflict intervention workshop.

…to be continued…

50 Years

2011-07-13T11:11:00.001-07:00

I had a good two-day celebration of fifty years of preaching. On the actual date, Saturday, June 18, John Parker and I spoke at an Interim Ministry Workshop at Freed-Hardeman. We had a good group and appreciate the opportunity to share that information.

The next day, Sunday, June 19, I spoke at the second service at Shipp’s Bend church of Christ in Centerville, Tennessee, where I preached my first sermon fifty years ago. My family: Gail, Mother, children, and grandchildren were present. In addition to the Shipp’s Bend members, several friends were also present.

I was glad to have Ward and Idell Mayberry there. They were our next-door neighbors when I was sixteen years old. Ward was our preacher at Shipp’s Bend. He took me hunting and fishing often. On one of those hunting trips, he said, “When I am gone to National Guard camp this summer, would you be willing to preach one Sunday night?”. I said I would. A couple of months later he asked how I was coming on my sermon. I had not started. He said, “Come over and I’ll help you.” He helped me with my sermon. Idell typed the outline. I preached that Sunday night and have not missed many Sundays since that time. I appreciate them, and the thousands of people who have helped me since that time.

Collegeside gave me a fifty-year plaque my last day there.

I appreciate everyone’s encouragement.

Interim Ministry Workshop

2011-06-02T18:10:00.000-07:00

"When You Preacher Leaves"

Saturday, June 18

9:00 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

Jerrie Barber

John Parker

Jerrie Barber

and

John Parker

will be discussing an alternative to unintentional interim(s) after a long and/or conflicted ministry.

Some topics to be discussed:

The interim process.
Why have an interim preacher?
When should a church consider an interim?
The who and how of a self-study.
The Transition Monitoring Team.
The church time line.
Training the people who will lead in the selection of the next preacher.
Questions and answers about interim ministry.

This workshop, hosted by the FHU Office of Church Relations, is for elders, deacons, and members who might be in the selection process. It will also be good for preachers who are considering interim ministry. Ladies are encouraged to attend. Gail Barber and Jill Parker will be pesent to answer questions about the roll of the wives of interim ministers in the process.

The Office of Church Relations will provide refreshments at the coffee break and a discount coupon for addendees to have lunch in the FHU dining hall. There is no charge for this workshop. FHU requests that those who plan to attend contact Kira at: (800) 348-3481, Extension 6020 or email kjones@fhu.edu and submit a free registration for the Interim Ministry Workshop.

Contracts: Observations #4

2011-04-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

An agreement should be completed, signed, and copies given to everyone involved before the anticipated relationship begins.
They should be mutually negotiated. Both parties should spent time, thought, and prayer about what is important to a good working relationship. They bring their requests and convictions to the meeting and start talking, clearing up vague points, eliminating conflicting wants, and confirming mutual desires.
I like to work out a trial contract and sleep on it. When I have done that, I have had elders propose some changes and I have thought of something I would like to modify. My observation that both of us were happier after sleeping on it and making adjustments after thought. When I know this is not the final draft, it lowers my anxiety.
My experience is that many times people forget what they said. In more than four decades of preaching, I have reminded elders of agreements on raises, evaluations, and working relationships. They have referred to our contract on time away and when that is to be scheduled. When it is written, it is easy to give “book, chapter, and verse.”
This document is living and changing as the relationship changes. As with the original document, the changes should be written and signed.

I have learned that contracts are not for dishonest people. Contracts are to preserve and protect agreements made by dead people and forgetful people.

I have found it very satisfying in my relationship with elders to have the security of a record of our understandings. If you have questions, comments, or criticism, I will be glad to hear from you: jerrie@barberclippings.com .

For a sample contract: click here

Contracts: Why? and How? #3

2011-03-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

What do you include in a church-preacher contract? Here is what was included with the last congregation where I was the regular preacher:

Title.
Purpose in the role.
Specific responsibilities – the more detailed, the less chance for misunderstanding later. A good agreement is preventing conflict before it arises.
Contract which includes days off, vacations, time away for meetings and other speaking appointments, other agreed activities outside the boundaries of the local congregation, and how much time should be given to terminate this agreement.
Supplement to the contract which I hope will change each year due to salary adjustments. This is where salary, fringe benefits, and other important agreements are recorded. I like to differentiate between a cost-of-living adjustment and a merit raise. A cost-of-living adjustment just keeps me at the same level as I was last year. It is not a raise. A merit raise indicates I am doing better and am being recognized for that. I like to have the understanding that I don’t have to have a merit raise, but we have to talk about why I did or did not receive one. If I get it, why? If I didn’t get a merit raise, what could I do to get one on the future?
Other agreements include items that are important to the relationship such as
1. How will we relate to each other?
2. As to meeting with the elders, will the preacher be permitted, required, or barred?
3. Will moving expenses be provided? How much?
4. How will we make changes to this agreement?

I have learned that contracts are not for dishonest people. Contracts are to preserve and protect agreements made by dead people and forgetful people.

…to be continued…

Contracts: Why? and How? #2

2011-02-28T16:46:00.001-08:00

As I was preparing to leave the congregation discussed in the last post, a question came up in a men’s meeting one night, “Jerrie is running around, trying out about every other Sunday. Are we paying him on the Sundays he is gone?” I was asked to explain.

“Yes, I am being paid”, I replied. “When I came here eight years ago, the elders and I agreed that if either of us decided it was time to terminate our relationship, I would be given ninety days with pay or until I found another congregation, whichever came first.” During those eight years, two of those elders had died. The third one had resigned.

Someone asked the resigned elder, “Is that the way it was?” He said, “It seems like we talked about that, but I don’t remember what we said.” I was in an embarrassing situation. After some discussion, a deacon who had been with the congregation since its beginning and who was the treasurer said, “Brethren, we have had that agreement with every preacher we have ever had and that is the way we will treat Jerrie.” The person who had asked the question was satisfied.

That was close. What did I learn from that? Contracts, job descriptions, and written agreements are not just for dishonest people. They are for good Christian forgetful people, for people who die, and for people who value relationships and harmony too much to leave it to chance and fragile memory.

I have had people suggest that it is not very spiritual to require a contract and a signature: “Back in my Daddy’s day, people made agreements and shook hands. Their word was their bond.” That’s fine if it worked for your Daddy. However, I have seen the truth in the Chinese proverb, “The palest ink is better than the best memory.” God must not have thought that writing an agreement was unspiritual. He has been recording His covenants with man for thousands of years. Yes, some of it was even written in stone.

I have learned that contracts are not for dishonest people. Contracts are to preserve and protect agreements made by dead people and forgetful people.

…to be continued…

Contracts: Why? and How? #1

2011-02-01T17:23:00.000-08:00

But why does a church and a preacher need a contract? We’re Christians aren’t we? We’re honest aren’t we? We trust each other don’t we?

My plan in the next few posts is to explain what I have learned from the University of Hard Knocks, whose school colors are black and blue and the school yell is: “OUCH!” I have learned that contracts are not for dishonest people. Contracts are to preserve and protect agreements made by dead people and forgetful people.

The first two congregations where I preached, I did not have a written agreement. We talked about some things, omitted some important issues, and recorded nothing to which we could later refer. When I took my first week off, to my dismay, I realized that we had not discussed vacations. I assumed that every preacher received a week or two off each year with pay. I returned from visiting family during Christmas and did not have a check for that week. After some conversation, one elder said, “He didn’t do nothing. Don’t give him nothing.” The eldership remained united on that decision.

I discussed that with the next congregation and had a verbal agreement that I would have two weeks’ vacation each year with pay. I had learned an important lesson: don’t assume.

...to be continued...

This Church Needs Elders

2010-12-31T14:15:00.000-08:00

[An email exchange]

Jerrie,

Our congregation is without elders. Without going into details, we are in desperate need of some teaching on church government.

I just completed my 1st year as minister of this congregation and feel I have built enough rapport with the members to begin speaking on this matter. However, I feel someone else may be more qualified than I am to speak on this subject.

Do you have any suggestions? Where do I start?

__________

I like to go slow in situations like this. I choose not to choose sides with people. If some people are doing wrong (and all are: 1 John 1:8), it is because they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34). If they do not know what they are doing, I surely do not know what they are doing. I try to find out what they are doing by asking questions to learn for my benefit – not to change them. If, in the process, I find out what they are doing, they may find out what they are doing and want to do something differently.

When people criticize other people in the congregation – especially leadership – I like to ask, “How long has it been that way?”. If the situation has been that way for a long time, I then like to find out, “Why do you like it that way?”. Their reply usually is, “I don’t like it that way.” But they do. They like it the way it is more that what it would take to change it.

In a group, when a situation is chronic (been that way for a long time), it is because the group has cooperated to bring it to its present condition and to keep it that way. If there is something wrong, there are biblical principles to correct a problem. It may be painful, but the solution is there. Generally, people like a dysfunctional position the way it is better than what it would take to change it. However, pain is not to be avoided. The gospel is death, burial, resurrection. People get excited about the resurrection. I do not find as much enthusiasm for crucifixion. But crucifixion must precede resurrection. In my last full-time work, I waited about two years to start directly addressing the conflict that had been in the church for at least a decade. During those two years, I was listening to tapes of the services and meetings, listening to people who were concerned, and asking questions to try to clear some of my confusion as to how they arrived at their present position.

As a preacher and a Christian, I try not to get in a hurry to go to the cross. Jesus was not crucified until He was ready – until He chose to die. I try to take a year or two in a new work to find out what is going on. Then I do not try to solve the problem. I try to enable the group to solve the group’s problem. That congregation will be there after I leave. They need to work out the solution to solve the disease that is troubling the church now and to learn to solve other problems that will surface in the future. The apostles did not solve the problems of the neglect of the Grecian widows. They led the congregation to select seven qualified men. They did and “the saying pleased the whole multitude.” It is easy to please people when they are doing what they think needs to be done (Acts 6:1-7).

Am I Normal?

2010-11-30T16:12:00.000-08:00

Why is it helpful to know the process of transition? Many churches have found good preachers and many preachers have found a good work without ever hearing of Ending, The Neutral Zone, and The New Beginning. (See May 31, 2010 post.)

Knowing how things usually work helps me in a stressful situation not to feel weird. I can endure the pain of stress if I know it is normal to feel what I am feeling and to be going through the stages of a process.

I have developed a philosophy that has been helpful to me:

1. I have found that it is normal to be abnormal. If a normal day is: 72 degrees, clear sky, the wind is not blowing, all the family is well, all the appliances and cars are operating perfectly, my favorite teams are winning, and politics are going my way—I don’t have may normal days.

2. In an abnormal situation, I cannot make another person do anything. Often, I have people ask me, “Do you have everybody straightened out in the church where you are preaching?”. My answer is “NO!!! I am working on Jerrie Barber and he is giving me a fit. I haven’t started on the other people.” That eliminates a lot of stress.

3. In an abnormal situation, which is really normal—since it is normal to be abnormal—and I can’t make anyone else do anything, what is the best thing I can do right now to make things better? That may be difficult but the work is close to home.

One of my goals as an interim minister is to encourage people to see the principles of transition in their lives as we experience transition in the congregation.

Dalton’s 12-Year-Old-Trip

2010-11-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

Recently we went with our fifth grandchild on our Grandparent-grandchild Twelve-Year-Old Trip. Someone gave us this idea about fifteen years ago and we have enjoyed it very much.

The year that each grandchild is twelve, we take him/her on a trip of their choosing (within 300 miles of Nashville). They choose where we eat and what we do during the four days we are gone.

Dalton, Jerrie Wayne and Terri’s son, will be twelve December 21. We took advantage of fall break and good weather to go to Pigeon Forge the week of October 11.

Dalton’s choices for the week were: Dollywood on Tuesday, Parrot Mountain on Wednesday, Sevierville church of Christ Wednesday night, Oconaluftte Indian Village in Cherokee, North Carolina Thursday. Thursday was also the main shopping day. We give the grandchildren money – half to spend for themselves and half to spend for others in their family. On the way back from Cherokee, we went to Clingman’s Dome. Friday morning we went to MagiQuest.

It was a great week. We are proud of Dalton, as we are of our other grandchildren. It was a delight to be with him.

“I Wish it Was the Way it Used to Be”

2010-08-31T13:57:00.000-07:00

The previously discussed model of transtion is frustrating because it involves uncertainty and often pain. Many people would like to leave the land of Egypt, immediately enter the Promised Land, and skip the forty years wandering in the wilderness.

Mr. Bridges (author of previously discussed books on transition) says that when people get into the Neutral Zone, they often wish for “the way it used to be” and try to make it that way. Solomon warned against this: “Do not say, ‘Why were the former days better than these?’ For you do not inquire wisely concerning this” (Ecclesiastes 7:10, NKJV).

Trying to make it the way it was is like taking a bottle of Elmer’s glue in November, picking up the dead leaves from the ground, glueing them on the tree so it will be “the way it was.” It won’t work. However, if you can keep from freezing to death during the winter, spring will come, leaves will come back to the trees, and flowers will bloom. It will not be exactly like it used to be but it will be good and a new season of growth can come.

In the preacher-church relationship, failing to recognize the process of transition and the new beginning may bring unfavorable comparison to the former preacher from the congregation and may hear the new preacher constantly referring to “the way we did it where I came from.”

Stages in Transition

2010-05-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

There is a difference between change and transition. Change is something that happens which we may or may not choose. Transition is my response to change.

Change is from the outside. Transition is from the inside.

William Bridges outlines the three stages of transition (notice the books from the previous post):

1. Ending, losing, letting go. Transition begins with loosing something.

2. The new beginning. Eventually, something new will start.

3. The neutral zone. The key to understanding transition is this stage. It is the in-between time. The old is gone. The new isn’t fully operational. This is usually a time of confusion, disorientation.

Notice in the illustration that often one will be in all three stages at the same time. There will be the fear and sadness of the ending. There will be the excitement of the new opportunities. And on the same day will be confusion and wonder if anything will ever be normal again.

Transition Books

2010-04-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

William Bridges became an expert on transitions. His tapes and books have been helpful to me.

The first one I read was Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes. His entrance into the study and teaching was interesting: “I became interested in the subject of transition around 1970 when I was going through some difficult inner and outer changes. Although I gave up my teaching career because of those changes, I found myself teaching a seminar called, ‘Being in Transition.’” He states that change comes from the outside and is inevitable. Transition comes from the inside and is a choice.

The second book I read was Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change. The first was the process and theory of transition. This one is a handbook of how to manage change in individuals and groups. A “mustard seed” I gained from this book was the Transition Monitoring Team – a committee in the organization that keeps the leaders aware of how the group is dealing with the change.

The third book, The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moments, describes how he dealt with the terminal illness of his wife, her death, his recovery, and eventual remarriage. He said there were times in this process he doubted whether anything he had been teaching was right. The pain of the “neutral zone” was great for him even though he had studied it and had been teaching the principles for years.

“Preacheritis”

2010-03-01T05:39:00.000-08:00

Often when people are fondly recalling their former preacher – repeating something he said, or telling how he did something, someone will say, “They have preacheritis.” Certainly Paul addressed the harmful allegiance to men that was causing division in the church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 1:1-15). It is not right to follow a human instead of Jesus. It is not right to cause division in the church because of personalities.

However, it may be that some people are dealing with the loss of a preacher, a brother in Christ, a friend, in a normal way.

Does a woman who is depressed, angry, disoriented, sad, and crying have “husbanitis” after her companion of twenty or more years is buried?

Did Job‟s wife have “oxenitis,” “donkeyitis,” “sheepitis,” “camelitis,” and “childitis” when she said to her very sick husband, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9)? Years ago, I was critical of Mrs. Job for this statement. But I have never attended the funeral for all my children in one day in addition to going from being one of the richest persons in my community to loosing every investment and the health of my companion in a short time.

Did Mary and Martha have “brotheritis” when they individually said to Jesus when he came to visit, ““Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21, 32)?

The normal human reaction to loss is grief. To deny people the right to work through their feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and jealously or their feelings of joy, guilt, and frustration (depending on whether that person is the one who wanted the preacher to go or stay) is to create an atmosphere to act out in an unhealthy way what could have been talked out in a mutually beneficial exchange. It may be that listening and asking questions to allow more talking would be more helpful than being critical and assigning a negative label to the person talking about their recently departed preacher.

This is one of the benefits of interim ministry. A trained interim sees complimentary comments about the previous preacher as a normal part of the transition process and is not threatened. The interim preacher does not come to replace the previous preacher. He is working in the congregation in the in-between-times. Part of the service of an interim is to “be there” to allow time for grief and adjustment after a long ministry or during a time of conflict.

Forty-Eight Years Ago!

2010-02-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

Tuesday I was in Centerville, Tennessee, and ate at the Fish Camp Restaurant. I noticed a sign on the wall, “Maple Shade Farm, Polled Shorthorns, J. W. Shouse and Sons, Centerville, Tenn.” Mr. Shouse and his sons used this sign to identify their livestock when they showed at the Hickman County Fair and the Tennessee State Fair.

I had seen the sign the last few times that I ate there. I thought I remembered painting the sign for Wash Shouse. Wash was the brother-in-law of Minnie Pearl (Ophelia Cannon).

This week, my daughter-in-law, Terri Barber, said, “There are small letters on the bottom of the sign – like a signature.” I walked to the sign and there was my name, painted forty-eight years ago: JERRIE BARBER.

It brought back good memories of growing up in Shipps Bend. I used stencils and a very small paint brush. I worked slowly and carefully.

It never occurred to me that I would see this sign nearly a half century later.

I have asked myself many times since Tuesday, “What am I doing now that will be around fifty more years?”. Am I using the same carefulness and accuracy with which I painted that sign? Will the people who see and remember my work be proud to say, “I knew the man who did that”.

“By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks” (Hebrews 11:4).

Consider the Inside as Well as the Outside

2010-01-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

One of the very helpful nights to me during this transition (this series begins with October 1, 2009 post) was when an eldership agreed to meet with me to tell me why they didn’t want me to be their preacher. We met – at my request – in their building, for them to tell me why I didn’t fit in that congregation and how, from their viewpoint, I could be more effective in my preaching and teaching during the “try out” Sunday. That facet of truth, early in the process, helped me to do a better job of “trying out” with several other congregations.

God teaches in His word that we are to be more concerned with the inside than with the externals. I remember having preached that principle (I Samuel 16:7), but I also recall being so impressed years ago with a new church building and a large Sunday morning attendance that I agreed to move to a congregation where there was clearly not a basis for a good working relationship between me and the elders of that church. They hired me at 9:30 one Wednesday night. After thinking about the heart of the situation as well as the externals, I resigned at 6:00 the next morning. Solomon wrote, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a wide house shared with a contentious woman” (Proverbs 25:24).

I am thankful for the experience of the months of evaluation of myself and where I needed to be. It was a good opportunity to learn and to test God’s principles.

Do We Fit?

2010-01-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

One of the most peaceful principles to me during the time of transition is that God is in control. He loves His church. He loves me. If, as Daniel said (Daniel 2:20-21), He is involved in government changes, I believe that He is also interested and involved in preacher changes as well. What I am to do in all my life is to find His will through following His principles. When I do this, I will have my needs met (Matthew 6:33).

Freedom comes from knowing the truth and cooperating with it (John 8:32). Both the congregation and the preacher need to be joint seekers of truth in the preacher-congregation search. To help in this process, it was my goal to be transparently honest in the interview, revealing my weaknesses and undesirable traits as well as those which look more favorable. When truth is the goal, I‘m not trying to get a job and the congregation which might be interested in me is not trying to hire me. We are searching for the truth, asking God to supply the wisdom (James 1:5), to determine if we should be together or not.

Part of the truth I was seeking during each visit or with any other communication was evaluating the fit between the congregation and me. The prophet Amos asked, "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?" (Amos 3:3). The correct answer is "No". I wanted to know if we fit doctrinally. I also wanted to know if we fit in methods, emphasis, and attitudes.

Pop Quiz on Christmas Celebration

2009-12-18T15:11:00.000-08:00

I’ve observed (and taken) different positions on Christmas celebration.

There are some who believe it is wrong to sing “Christmas songs” during December lest someone think that Christians are celebrating the birth of Jesus. One of the great controversies in one congregation was whether to hang “Christmas wreaths” on the door for the same reason. The biggest protest of that event was by an elder’s wife who was irritated that wreaths were hung on the door. She made her complaint while wearing a green sweat shirt with a Christmas tree on front. The lights outlining the tree were blinking in my eyes as she registered her objection just before Sunday services.

We had friends who thought that it was wrong to celebrate Christmas as Jesus’ birthday and wrong to exchange presents on Christmas. When we visited them on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, their dining room table was full of presents. We asked, “Are you exchanging Christmas presents?” The answer was, “Absolutely not. We just decided to get something for each other.”

There are those who choose to think about the birth of Jesus and thank God for His birth, life, and death during December. But some of these same gracious people also want to ridicule and scold conscientious and faithful followers of Jesus who choose not to celebrate His birth any more on December 25th than they do on the 4th of July. Surely people who would not set aside this special day started by we don’t know who and when must be narrow-minded, unspiritual, and against reaching out to others.

Is either approach to this wonderful time of year – as well as other wonderful times of year – one that enhances love, respect, and unity in Christ’s body? Is there a scripture that tells me and others that it is either or and that I should disparage those who don’t do it my way? Does God address this?

Consider:

“Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things…Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it…But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother?...Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way” (Romans 14:1, 4-6, 10, 13).

Thought questions:

Is it right to scold people for remembering the day God decided to “camp out” personally on the earth – the event that fulfilled prophecies, split the calendar, and gave hope and help to all creation? In view of what Paul wrote through inspiration of the Holy Spirit, should I be moving my brother to a lower degree of maturity because he sets aside more time during the last few days of each year (or on Valentine Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, George Washington’s birthday, or any other day of the 365) to reflect on this great event?
Is it helpful and edifying to rebuke and ridicule a fellow-Christian who at this point in his Christian life has decided that all days are the same?
Who is most spiritual in action and attitude:

The “anti-think-about-the-birth-of-Jesus-around-December-25” Christian?

The Christian who chooses to celebrate on that day and expresses contempt for those who don’t?

The Christian who is content with Paul’s observation, “One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind; He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord,” who will not be critical of a brother who makes another choice, and will not be intimidated by a brother who criticizes his choice?

Churches Are "Trying Out" Also

2009-11-30T15:26:00.000-08:00

Something that could be considered during the process of moving to another church is that not only are the preachers trying out – the congregation is watching, listening, observing them – but the congregation is also trying out. My family and I tried to be aware of every noticeable thing in our visits:

The condition of the building.

The singing.

The friendliness of the congregation or lack of it.

The interest or lack of interest on the part of the congregation.

Questions that were asked – and not asked.

Was there an attitude of excellence or the idea of "just doing enough to get by".

The amount of enthusiasm from the elders, search committee, and congregation concerning the work of the church.

Were we treated special or just a necessary burden in the process of getting another preacher.

How did the congregation respond both during worship and afterward? Did they feel free to laugh when appropriate? Were comments specific or just "enjoyed your sermons"?

Was the approach of the elders and/or search committee one of openness and quest for truth, one of disinterest, or one of pressure to come to that congregation?

Now the first impression is often the web page. Is the information complete and accurate? Is it easy to get acquainted with the church? Are there pages "under construction" and in Latin? What attitude is communicated by this digital "greeter"?

What Do You Think About During the Lord's Supper?

2009-10-31T18:41:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, someone told me about a sermon he heard James Watkins preach about what to think about during the Lord’s Supper. I have used this many times since I heard it and have found it helpful.

The following is a poem my daughter, Christi Parsons, wrote after hearing the sermon:

In Remembrance of Me

When reflecting on the Lord’s Supper
There are some things to keep in mind.
So your mind doesn’t wander
These thoughts will keep you in line.

There are seven things to remember
About Jesus and the cross.
Thank you God for sending Jesus
So our souls won’t be lost.

Well there was one Lord – one Lord
His name is Jesus Christ.
Two thieves – two thieves
One went to Paradise (with Jesus).

Three crosses – three crosses
But only one saved our souls.
Four soldiers – four soldiers
Gambling for Jesus’ clothes.

Well there were five wounds – five wounds
His hands, His feet, and His side.
Six hours – six hours
Our Lord was crucified.

While hanging on the cross
There were words that Jesus breathed.
When you open your Bible to the gospels
These seven sayings you can read.

Well there was one Lord, two thieves,
Three crosses, and four men,
Five wounds, six hours,
Seven sayings, and amen.

– Christi Parsons

For the sermon outline: > In Remembrance of Me

Thoughts on Moving for Preachers and Congregations

2009-10-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

I resigned from the Central church of Christ in Dalton, Georgia, in March, 1988. I tried to be aware, study, record, and evaluate the process of moving. I wrote several of these observations in our bulletin under "Barber Clippings". I later compiled and wrote an article on the experience.

And a vision appeared to Paul in the night. A man of Macedonia stood and pleaded with them, saying, "Come over to Macedonia and help us" (Acts 16:9). I‘m certain that I don‘t know everything that was involved, but it sure appears easier for Paul to decide to go to Macedonia than it has been for me to make the moves that I have made in preaching.

I have found little information available on this subject. I have one book and have attended no lectures or classes on being effective in making the decision to move or not to move and how to go about it once the decision has been made.

Since this process usually happens several times during the lifetime of a preacher and over a period of years in the congregation, I hope these observations will be helpful.

After having thoughts from time to time of the possibility of needing to move – beginning about a year before I actually made the change, and discussing these thoughts with my family and a few trusted counselors, I started making a list of people who knew me and my work that would be able to give suggestions and recommendations of places where I might fit.

When I came to the conclusion that I was ready to move from Dalton, Georgia, I began calling these thirty-eight people, asking for their help. After a period of time, I received calls from congregations who were looking for preachers. My decision was to investigate and cooperate with those who expressed an interest, regardless of size or location.

After about eight or nine appointments were made, I told the elderships involved that I would make a decision the last week in May. Some congregations decided that I was not the preacher for that place after I preached and/or interviewed with them. Time became a factor that eliminated some possibilities. I returned to four congregations for more detailed discussions. Stating what I believed to be my strong and weak points, asking and answering more questions, discussing how we thought that the Lord‘s work needed to be done, and how we would work together were the topics of these conversations.

The expenditure in time effort and money was great. I attempted to do all I could in my local work in Dalton in teaching, personal evangelism, counseling, and visiting as well as give honest and complete evaluation to the opportunities of each congregation. My schedule was eleven to twelve working hours per day, seven days a week during March, April, and May. Travel related to relocating totaled 6,691.8 miles in addition to the miles flown.

Expenses (some estimates) were: unreimbursed food and lodging: $63.50; phone calls (friends who could make recommendations of congregations needing preachers, preachers at each congregation for the past twenty years, other preachers and Christians in the same town or community of the church looking for a preacher, plus other references: $359.74; tapes and postage: $63.00; travel (at 20 cents per mile): $1,338.36. Total compensation: $1,195.78. The net cost to me was $628.82.

I am not complaining, just stating some facts that I have not seen in print. A preacher couldn’t make a living trying out. In fact, to do a good job and to be free to investigate, he needs to have some money saved to finance the process. Something that elders might consider is that the way a preacher and his family are treated on the "try out" weekend is loud communication about how it would be living and working with that congregation. We are usually on our best behavior when we are courting. Car doors are rarely opened after the first month of marriage.

Twelve-Year-Old Trip

2009-06-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, someone gave Gail and me an idea: taking grandchildren on a 12-year-old trip.

We have taken each grandchild on a trip by himself or herself when they are twelve. We have been with Elizabeth and Whitney Barber and Brittan and Braden Parsons. We have Dalton and Wyatt Houston Barber to go. They get to choose the place (within 300 miles of Nashville). They choose where we will eat and what we will do on the trip.

We give them some money: half to spend on themselves and half to spend on gifts for their family.

This has been a delight. I am reminded that we will never know how much good we do and when. I don’t remember who shared with us this idea. Whoever it was has blessed our life greatly.

Perhaps this will be a “mustard seed” that someone else may plant and reap a joyful harvest.

Shepherds Shepherding Shepherds

2008-11-25T12:18:00.001-08:00

One of many encouraging events since coming to work with Hendersonville happened Friday, November 14. One of the elders, John Kester, invited the elders and staff to his home. After a delicious meal, we spent the remainder of the night talking about a book, They Smell Like Sheep, Volume 2, by Lynn Anderson. The focus of our time was how we could be more effective as leaders and helpers. We discussed many good ideas from the book and from each other.

However, what was powerful for me was the fact that these people took five hours to be together. Prior to this, several hours were invested in reading the book. There was a commitment of time and energy to grow, encourage, and be encouraged.

One of the quotes I liked: "While all Christians need nurture and sustenance, the active Christian leader who encounters spiritual and emotional stress daily has special, urgent needs. If the shepherd is not fed along with the sheep, that inner hunger and fatigue, those unhealed hurts, can cause the shepherd to go great unconscious harm to those within his or her care" – Flora Slosson Wuellner (They Smell Like Sheep, Volume 2, page 116).

I like to say, "When shepherds shepherd shepherds, shepherds will better shepherd the sheep. When shepherds don’t shepherd shepherds, shepherds probably won’t shepherd the sheep."

I was encouraged Friday, November 14, when I saw and experienced shepherds shepherding sheperds.

Next Interim

2008-08-04T13:25:00.001-07:00

We made joint announcements yesterday that I will be working with the church in Hendersonville, Tennessee, as an interim. Keith Parker has done a great work there for the last sixteen years. The congregation has doubled during his ministry. Keith will preach there through the rest of 2008. Starting in 2009, he will be doing something he has dreamed about and planned for several years – spending more time in evangelistic meetings and campaigns. He plans to hold twenty to twenty-five meetings a year. Some of these will involve members of the Hendersonville congregation in personal work before the meeting and follow-up after the meeting.

I will begin working part time the first of October. The first of January, I will begin full time including preaching as well as other ministerial duties.

Next Sunday is our last day at Eddyville. Our funeral is going well. We have had families into our home to talk about our time together and discuss how they can encourage their next preacher, Jeff Finch.

I will not be preaching at Hendersonville during the fall. I have several weekends available to do short meetings or workshops. I will also be available on Wednesday nights.

Eddyville Has Selected a New Preacher

2008-07-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

In a family meeting Sunday night, July 6, Randell O’Bryan announced that Jeff Finch would be the next preacher at Eddyville, starting Sunday, August 24. Randell thanked the congregation for their involvement and comments. Our last Sunday at Eddyville will be Sunday, August 10. We want to spend this month finishing our work and preparing for the next preacher.

Recently, I read Roy Oswald’s book, Running through the Thistles. He observed that the way a preacher leaves a congregation will be the way he dies. He suggested that if you do not like the way you leave groups, you might want to consider and change.

In another place, I read that there are five steps in dying:
1. “Forgive me.”
2. “I forgive you.”
3. “Thank you.”
4. “I love you.”
5. “Good-bye.”

We are inviting families into our home to evaluate our work together and to say “good-bye.”

I have been given the opportunity to work with another congregation after we finish here. We will announce that congregation in a few weeks.

For the next two to four months, I will have some Sundays available to preach if I am needed at other congregations.

The elders and congregation at Eddyville have been supportive and encouraging for the past year and three months. I could not think of a better place to start interim work. We have enjoyed living in the community. I have been strengthened by the association with preachers in this area of West Kentucky.

2008-06-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

We had graduation for our second Learning to Love my Friend(s) class Sunday night, June 22. You can see the picture and names of the participants at the bottom of the page > Interim at Eddyville > .

The outlines of this class are on line with the material to teach: notebook cover and spine, lessons, and graduation certificate > Leadership Classes > .

If you would like to ask questions about this class, please contact me .

Leadership Class Graduation

2008-04-28T18:02:00.000-07:00

We completed our God's Great Servants Leadership class with graduation Sunday night.
You can see the graduation picture and names of participants at the bottom of the page > Interim at Eddyville > .

The outlines are now on line with the supplemental materials such as invitation letter, notebook cover and spine, and other material to print books and lead the class: > Leadership Classes > .

If you have an interest in leading this type of training in your congregation, I will be glad to answer any questions you have and advise in any way I can. Please feel free to contact me by phone, e-mail, or in person. > Contact Me > .

I continue to enjoy the work here. The brethren are very cooperative and encouraging. They are actively looking for a preacher. I will be available when they select a preacher -- by November 1 or before.

Leadership Prayers: Prayers for Leaders

2008-04-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

1. What kind of petitions are we to give to God for civil leaders? 1 Timothy 2:1
2. Why should we pray for civil leaders and what blessing should we request? 1 Timothy 2:2
3. What is the relationship between my family leadership and the effectiveness of my prayers? 1 Peter 3:7-12
4. What did Paul want included in prayers for him? Colossians 4:2-4
5. What petitions did Paul request in the prayer of the Thessalonians and what would he include in his prayers for them? 2 Thessalonians 3:1-5
6. What prayers would you like to see answered for your leaders (government, family, church, business)?
7. What prayers would you like to see answered for you as a leader (of yourself and others)?
8. Bring to God supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks for leaders.

For the complete lesson outline (9 pages) > Session 10

Leadership Prayers: Paul’s Prayer for the Church at Colosse; Colossians 1:1-18

2008-03-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

1. For what things did Paul give thanks that he had heard about the church at Colosse? Colossians 1:1-8
2. For what things are you thankful that you see in this congregation?
3. What did Paul ask God to give these brethren in this congregation? Colossians 1:9-11
4. How would you like to see God bless this church where you worship?
5. What about God and His blessings moved Paul to be thankful? Colossians 1:12-18
6. What are some blessings you have received and what do you see in God that stirs gratitude in your heart?
7. Thank God for whom (saints and faithful brethren) and for what (faith, love, hope) you observe in this church, as you ask God for spiritual blessings and attributes to be given to you and others, and as you thank God for Who He is and for what He has done.

For the complete lesson outline (7 pages) > Session 9

Leadership Prayers: Jesus’ Prayer of Deathly Sorrow, Agony; Matthew 26:36-46; Luke 22:39-46

2008-03-19T20:45:00.000-07:00

1. What did Jesus ask in prayer on the night of His betrayal?
2. How did Jesus feel as He prayed?
3. As a leader, should you expect to always feel comfortable, energized, and happy?
4. What was the immediate answer to Jesus’ prayer? How was He helped during this difficult time? Luke 22:43
5. What happened after this painful prayer? Matthew 26:47 - Matthew 27:50
6. What blessings did Jesus receive three days later? Matthew 28:1-8
7. How are we blessed by this act and example today? Hebrews 12:1-3
8. Ask God to bless you during your painful times of struggle and crucifixion. Thank Him for the new life and resurrection that you have already experienced as a Christian and that you anticipate in the future.
For the complete lesson outline (5 pages) > Session 8

I enjoyed being with the Beattie Road church of Christ in Albany, Georgia, last week for the God's Great Servants workshop. Forty-one men from five congregations participated in the sessions. To see pictures from the workshop, go to my website: Leadership Workshop .

Leadership Prayers: Jesus Prayer for Himself, His Apostles, the Disciples After Them; John 17

2008-03-05T18:42:00.000-08:00

1. What did Jesus ask for Himself? John 17:1-5
2. What did Jesus ask for the apostles? John 17:6-19
3. What did Jesus pray for “those who will believe in Me through their word? John 17:20-26
4. How did God, the Father, answer that prayer for Jesus? Acts 7:55,56
5. How were the apostles blessed in their mission? Romans 10:13-18; Colossians 1:23
6. How was Jesus’ prayer for the unity of believers answered in the church in Jerusalem? Acts 2:42-47
7. How do we cooperate in the answer of that prayer today? Colossians 3:1-4
8. Ask God to bless you in glorifying His name, in doing His work, and in making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3).
For a full class outline (5 pages) Session 7

Leadership Prayers: Jeremiah – Affliction, Hopelessness, Hope; Lamentations 3:1-33

2008-02-27T16:11:00.000-08:00

1. What did Jeremiah accuse the Lord of doing to him that had caused him pain?

2. Do you believe that God had done these things to Jeremiah or was Jeremiah expressing his extreme pain and frustration to God?

3. What circumstances in your life have happened or could happen that might prompt you to express your pain, frustration, and disappointment to God?

4. How can remembering affliction, roaming, wormwood (bitterness), and gall (poison) bring hope (Lamentations 3:19-21)?

5. What does Lamentations 3:27 mean?

6. How many times does Jeremiah use the word hope in Lamentations 3:19-33 and what brings him hope?

7. What brings you hope?

8. Express you hope or hopelessness to God and thank Him for His mercies, compassion, faithfulness, and goodness.

For a full class outline (5 pages) Session 6

Leadership Prayers: Jeremiah – Discouragement, Persistence, Depression; Jeremiah 20:7-18

2008-02-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

1. Why was Jeremiah discouraged and what did he want to do? Jeremiah 20:7-10
2. How did Jeremiah praise the Lord and what did he ask from the Lord? Jeremiah 20:11-13
3. What thoughts and feelings followed Jeremiah’s praise? Jeremiah 20:14-18
4. How could a godly leader have this range of thoughts and feelings in so short a time?
5. What prophecies was Jeremiah privileged to deliver
a. About the coming of Jesus? Jeremiah 23:1-8
b. About the return from captivity? Jeremiah 29:10-12; Jeremiah 32:36-44; Daniel 9:1, 2
c. About the new covenant? Jeremiah 31:31-34
6. Ask God to bless you in your leadership position – whether you are afraid and ready to quit, encouraged and ready to tell others how great and powerful God is, or depressed and wished you have never been born.

For a full class outline (6 pages) Session 5

Leadership Prayers: David – Awareness of God’s Presence; Invitation for God’s Inspection and Correction; Psalm 139

2008-01-30T16:08:00.000-08:00

1. What does God know about my thoughts, words, and actions? Psalm 139:1-6
2. Where is God? Where can I go to get away from Him? Psalm 139:7-12
3. Who made me? How well did He do? How long has He known me? Psalm 139:13-16
4. What thoughts does David have about God’s thoughts? Psalm 139:17,18
5. How does David feel about the wicked? Psalm 139:19-22
6. What request does David make of God to correct and lead him? Psalm 139:23,24
7. How might God answer that prayer for David and for us? How would He reveal the wicked way He finds and lead us in the way everlasting?
8. Praise God for His great knowledge. Ask God to inspect you, find what needs to be corrected, and lead you in the right way.
To view the complete lesson outline, Session 4 .

Leadership Prayers: The Basis of Prayer – The Nature of God, Psalm 103

2008-01-23T13:15:00.000-08:00

1. What does the Lord do for His people? Psalm 103:1-5
2. What are the attributes of the Lord mentioned in this Psalm? Psalm 103:6-14
3. How does David contrast man and the Lord? Psalm 103:15-19
4. In view of the Lord’s greatness, what should all beings and things do? Psalm 103:20-22
5. Praise God for Who He is and what He does.

To view the complete lesson: Session 3 .

Leadership Prayers: How Does a Leader Pray When He Sins?

2008-01-16T19:12:00.000-08:00

1. Why did David feel guilty? 2 Samuel 11,12
2. Since we were forgiven when we became Christians, why would we feel guilty today? Romans 3:23; 1 John 1:8
3. How many times do we need to ask God to forgive us of a particular sin? Count the petitions in Psalm 51 where David confesses his sin and asks God to remove it.
4. After a child of God has sinned, how are repentance, confession, forgiveness, joy, praise, and sacrifice (obedience) connected? Psalm 51:10-19; 1 John 1:5-2:6
5. When David prayed his prayer of confession, how did God answer Him? Psalm 32
6. What are the connections between forgiveness, confession, prayer, protection, and deliverance? Psalm 32:3-7; 1 John 1:5-2:2
7. How has God promised to answer our prayers? 1 John 5:14,15
8. Pray for forgiveness and continual cleansing from a forgiving and holy God. Continue to ask as much and as often as you need. Thank God for Jesus and His blood that cleanses us and the peace, boldness, and joy that comes from the answer to that prayer.
To see the complete leadership class, go to Leadership Class 2 .

How to Overcome a Negative Attitude

2008-01-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

Today I received the following e-mail:

Do you have any sermons on dealing with negativity or how to overcome a negative attitude?

* * *

I thought the answer might contain a thought that would be helpful to others:

The first thing that came to mind was the series I did on Sunday nights when I arrived here: What Do You Do When God Is Late? It is a series on time. But it really isn’t about time – it’s about faith in God. Will God keep His promises? This is probably the most helpful series I have ever preached for me. At the end of the study, I concluded that God will give me all the time, money, wisdom, people, and anything else I need because he tells me: “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). That is the message of the series. The rest is explanation and expansion of that theme.

I think most issues are God issues. Is God God? Will God keep His promises? Many God issues go back to previous experiences. If I have had few or no relationships (family, friend, church) where people kept their promises, it may be more difficult to understand a personality Who does that. Asaph quoted God in Psalm 50:21, “You thought that I was altogether like you.” It is good to remember that God is God and man is man. Even good men are men – not God. If I base my attitude on the performance of other people, I will be disappointed much of my life. If I understand that God and I can have a good relationship with each other regardless of the approval or disapproval of others, I will not be affected as much about what others think and do. I can grow if others choose to stagnate or decline. I can grow if others oppose. I can grow if others persecute.

It goes back to the a series on the “me-first” principle of Bible study. Someone might respond, “That’s why I’m depressed and discouraged. Everybody else is fine. It’s just me that's in a mess.” That also gets back to a God issue: did Paul mean what he said when he wrote, “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19)? Can and will God really supply my need? He promises to give me that gift if I will accept it. “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:12,13).

Maybe there is a "mustard see" there. Let me know if I can clarify.

* * *

If these sermon outlines on time or the me-first principle of Bible study would be helpful, let me know and I will share them.

You may e-mail me for sermon outlines and tell me what would be helpful: jerrie@barberclippings.com .

Leadership Prayers: How Does a Leader Pray When He Feels Inadequate and Doesn’t Know What He is Doing?

2008-01-09T15:20:00.000-08:00

1. How did Solomon feel about his leadership ability compared to God and his father, David? 1 Kings 3:5-7
2. How do you identify with Solomon as you compare yourself with God and with good Christian leaders you have known?
3. How did Solomon view the task he had been given? 1 Kings 3:8
4. How do you feel about your leadership opportunities and responsibilities?
5. What was Solomon’s request of God? 1 Kings 3:9
6. What would you like God to give you as you consider your ability and your responsibility?
7. How did God answer Solomon’s prayer? 1 Kings 3:10-15
8. How has God promised to answer our prayers? Ephesians 3:20,21
9. Pray for wisdom and strength from a powerful God for wisdom as you try to carry out His will in your life.
For the full class outline: http://www.barberclippings.com/resources/Lesson%2001.pdf

“I’ll Tell You What our Problem Is: Lack of Leadership!”

2007-12-30T23:58:00.000-08:00

As I talk with elders, deacons, preachers, and other concerned Christians, I hear this statement often. I am also concerned about leadership in the family, in the church, and in our county.

It is my understanding that we have the leadership that we deserve, that we want, that we have prayed for, that we have asked for, and that we have trained.

When Jesus saw the multitudes without leadership and direction, He said, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest” (Matthew 9:37, 38, NKJV).

Sometimes when a brother makes the statement about the lack of leadership, I ask, “How many leadership seeds have you been planting?”. God’s law of sowing and reaping has been in effect since creation:

We reap what we sow. “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Galatians 6:7).
We reap more than we sow. “But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty” (Matthew 13:23).
We reap in proportion to how much we sow. “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully” (2 Corinthians 9:6).

These principles of sowing and reaping will work for plants (Genesis 1:12), evangelism (Acts 2:47; Acts 5:42; Acts 6:7), judgment and/or forgiveness (Luke 6:37, 38), giving money (2 Corinthians 9:6, 7), and training leaders (2 Timothy 2:2; Ephesians 4:11, 12).

If I don’t like the crop of leadership that I see, I need to evaluate my leadership planting. It will take many, many leadership seeds to produce that crop that we need. In the parable of the soils in Matthew 13, 75% of the seed is ultimately lost: all that falls on the wayside, stony places, and thorny ground. Only the good ground produces.

When I make the wise statement: “I’ll tell you what our problem is: lack of leadership!”, I need to evaluate my leadership farming.

How often and fervently do I pray for workers for the harvest (Matthew 9:37, 38)?
How many “leadership seeds” am I sowing by telling men, women, boys, and girls that I believe in them and that I am praying for them to become elders, deacons, Christian fathers and mothers and grandparents, Bible class teachers, and evangelists (1 Timothy 3:1-13; 1 Timothy 5:14; 2 Timothy 1:3-5; 2 Timothy 4:1-5)?
How often do I express appreciation privately and publicly to present leadership (1 Thessalonians 5:12, 13)? How long has it been since the congregation has had an elders’ appreciation day and/or dinner? Several members of one congregation told me, “The reason we don’t have elder appreciation dinners is that we don’t appreciate our elders.” That says more about the people talking than it does about the elders. God’s will is to honor leaders (Romans 13:7; 1 Peter 2:17). Caesar was not a perfect elder in a local congregation but God said, “Honor the king.” Caesar will have to answer for how he responded or did not respond to the grace of God. I will have to answer as to how I honored my leaders. Elders will have to answer for their effective or ineffective leadership (Hebrews 13:17). I will have to answer as to how I honored my spiritual leaders (1 Thessalonians 5:12, 13).

How is your leadership crop this year? What are you expecting next year? Can you say in your encouragement of leadership, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase” (1 Corinthians 3:6)?

God’s law of sowing and reaping works regardless of the seed!

If the problem is lack of leadership, the solution begins with me!

We are starting a leadership sowing class in Eddyville, Kentucky, Wednesday night, January 2. This same class will be offered in Albany, Georgia, March 12-15. For more information: http://www.barberclippings.com/10175.html . The brethren at Beattie Road welcome others to come to Albany that week to study and pray with us that God will send more laborers into the harvest. This class is portable – we will give tools and methods for teaching leadership principles that can be taken to other congregations and shared there. If I can answer questions, contact me: jerrie@barberclippings.com .

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 10

2007-11-20T20:27:00.000-08:00

Tonight was our last night for the class. Every person has been in every class. Two couples did a make-up class when health or schedule prohibited their participation in the regular class. That is part of the agreement of being in the class.

We will recognize each person at graduation Sunday night after services. I plan to have a picture on my web site: www.barberclippings.com .

The outline for tonight's class:

* * *

How Can I Be a Friend to Jesus?

Introduction:
A. As we come to the close of this series of classes, I hope we can say with confidence what Solomon wrote. Ecclesiastes 7:8
B. In this final session, let us
1. Reflect and review.
2. Apply.
3. Evaluate.
4. Finish.
C. Jesus is my Friend; how can I be a friend to Him?

I. BY OBEYING HIM. John 15:14; James 2:21-23

II. BY BEFRIENDING HIS FRIENDS. Matthew 25:34-40

III. BY IMITATING HIS ATTRIBUTES OF FRIENDSHIP.
A. He understands me.
1. How can I understand Him?
2. How can I understand others?
3. How can I understand myself?
a. When tired?
b. When lonely?
c. When tempted?
d. When happy?
e. When sad?
B. He loves me all the time, even when I have problems.
1. How can I love Jesus all the time?
2. How can I love others all the time, even when they treat me and others wrong?
3. How can I love myself all the time, even when I make mistakes?
C. He tells me the truth.
1. How can I tell Jesus the truth and when should I tell Him the truth?
2. How can I improve my truthfulness with others?
3. How can I improve my truthfulness with myself?
D. He is willing to help and serve me.
1. How can I help and serve Jesus?
2. How can I help and serve others?
3. How can I ask and receive the help and service I need from others?
E. He brings out the best in me and challenges me to grow.
1. How can I respond to Jesus and follow Him in growing?
2. How can I help others to grow spiritually?
3. How can I encourage myself to grow? 1 Samuel 30:6

Conclusion:
A. What was helpful in this class?
B. How can this class be improved?
C. What needs to be discussed that we haven’t discussed?
D. How do you want to say, “Good-bye”?

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 9

2007-11-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

My Friend Brings Out the Best in Me and Challenges Me to Grow

A. A good friend is not a “yes-man.”
B. A friend reinforces my strong traits and challenges me to grow in areas of weakness. Proverbs 27:17
C. Jesus is that kind of friend to me and encourages me to be that kind of friend to others.

I. MY FRIEND STRENGTHENS MY GOOD POINTS BY WHAT HE GIVES ME.
A. Ability and opportunity. Matthew 25:14,15,29; 1 Corinthians 15:9,10
B. The freedom to start where I am and to grow. Luke 16:10
C. Compliments when I succeed.
1. I need to know how to give a compliment.
a. Tell what you like.
b. Tell why you like it.
c. Ask a question.
2. I need to know how to receive a compliment. Proverbs 27:2
a. When complimented, say, “Thank you.”
b. Accept good gifts.
c. Don’t insult people by denying what they say good about you.

II. A GOOD FRIEND WILL CHALLENGE ME TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS FOR THE BEST REASONS.
A. By moving my motivation more and more from fear to faith, hope, and love.
1. Fear of punishment motivates and is scriptural. 2 Corinthians 5:10,11; Matthew 10:28
2. As I mature, my motivation grows in the direction of
a. Faith. 2 Corinthians 5:7
b. Hope. Romans 8:24; Romans 5:1-5; 1 Peter 3:15
c. Love. 1 John 4:18
B. However, fear of the wrong thing will motivate in the wrong direction.
1. God doesn’t give that kind of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7
2. In place of timidity, there should be
a. Power.
b. Love.
c. Sound mind.

III. A GOOD FRIEND WILL REBUKE AND CORRECT ME WHEN I AM IRRESPONSIBLE. Proverbs 27:5,6
A. Why is open rebuke better than secret love?
B. When would a friend wound you?
C. How can I correct in the right way?
1. Be truthful. Ephesians 4:25; Matthew 5:37; Ephesians 4:15
2. Keep current. Ephesians 4:26,27; Matthew 5:23-26
3. Attack the issue, not the person. Ephesians 4:29; Matthew 5:21,22
4. Act, don’t react. Ephesians 4:31,32; Matthew 7:12
5. Suggest positive traits to replace negative habits. Ephesians 4:25-32

A. Friendship is complicated and powerful.
1. For good. Proverbs 27:17
2. For evil. 1 Corinthians 15:33
B. Consider:
1. How can I be a friend to Jesus?
2. How can I be a friend to others?
3. How can I be a friend to myself?
4. How can this class be improved?
5. How will I end this class and say good-bye?

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 8

2007-10-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

We had a good group to construct a Time Line of the Eddyville congregation two weeks ago. It is impressive to see the last 47 years of this church on a 20-foot poster. We will be getting together to discuss this history and what we learn from it.

* * *

Jesus Is Willing to Help and Serve Me with Patience

A. A friend is someone who will help when you have a need.
B. A friend is someone who will ask you for help when he or she has a need.

I. JESUS DEMONSTRATED HIS PATIENCE WITH THE APOSTLES BY HELPING THEM TO RESOLVE AN ISSUE THAT CAME UP OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
A. Who will be the greatest? Matthew 20:24; Mark 9:33,34; Luke 9:46; Luke 22:24
B. Jesus answered and illustrated the way to greatness over and over again. Matthew 20:25-28; Mark 9:35-37; Luke 9:47,48; Luke 22:25-27
C. It is interesting to notice the occasion of each argument concerning the issue of greatness. Matthew 20:17-19; Mark 9:30-32; Luke 9:44,45; Luke 22:21-23

II. WHEN TALKING HAD NOT RESOLVED THE QUESTION OF GREATNESS, JESUS GAVE AN EXAMPLE, AN OBJECT LESSON.
A. Jesus performed a lowly act of service. John 13:3-11
B. Jesus did the act, then He reviewed the lesson.
1. He checked for understanding. John 13:12
a. Many people see, but never understand.
b. Change, growth, real help and learning comes from understanding. Matthew 13:15
2. Jesus washed their feet, not just to get their feet clean, but to teach a lesson. John 13:13-15
3. He put the issue of greatness in perspective. John 13:16
4. When a lesson has been given, we get a passing grade and a diploma only if we complete the assignment. John 13:17
5. Much of our effectiveness as a helper and teacher will be determined by how we relate to people. John 13:20; Matthew 10:40

III. JESUS’ GREATEST ACT OF SERVICE WAS THE GIVING OF HIS LIFE.
A. In this, He taught us about service. 1 John 3:16-18
1. He died because He chose to serve and to do the will of His Father. John 10:17,18
2. He died with much struggle and pain. Matthew 27:45-50
3. He served, died, knowing the reward that would be His. Hebrews 12:1,2
B. These same principles need to be a part of my service to others.
1. Choice.
2. Much service will involve inconvenience and pain.
3. I will be rewarded.

IV. JESUS IS STILL SERVING US TODAY.
A. He talks to God, the Father for us. Hebrews 7:25
B. He is our Advocate. 1 John 2:1
1. He pleads our case from personal knowledge and experience of pain and difficulty. Hebrews 4:15
2. A defense lawyer can only be helpful when we have told Him what we have done that needs His defense. 1 John 1:9

Conclusion:
A. What is something we can learn from the disciples of Jesus in their disagreements that can be helpful in working with others who are troubled?
B. What are some ways you might be able to show a friend something you have been trying to tell them?
C. What are some ways we can make efforts for people to receive us in order that they might receive Jesus?
1. When are some times that it might be helpful to talk to someone else in behalf of a friend?
2. When would it be appropriate to stand beside a friend and plead his cause?
3. What is a situation that one might “lay down his life” for a friend without actually dying for that person?

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 7

2007-10-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Everyone was present and participated in the class tonight. We discussed the necessary, challenging, and sometimes difficult quality of telling the truth. Jesus was truth (John 14:6). Obviously, He told the truth.

We spend the last part of our class tonight thinking about telling the truth as it relates to selecting a preacher.

* * *

I. JESUS IS MY EXAMPLE OF TELLING THE TRUTH.
A. Why was it easy for Jesus to tell the truth? John 14:6
B. How did Jesus tell the truth to those who were considering following Him? Luke 14:25-33
C. How did Jesus demonstrate dependability?
1. He made promises. Matthew 5:17,18; Luke 19:10
2. Jesus kept those promises, even when it was difficult.
a. Even when he didn’t feel well and wasn’t happy. Matthew 26:37,38
b. Even when He didn’t get the encouragement He needed. Matthew 26:40,41
c. Even when He asked over and over and could find no easier way than to do what He said He would do. Matthew 26:44
3. Jesus thought about getting out of His suffering.
a. If Jesus had prayed to His Father, what would He have given to Him? Matthew 26:53
b. What would have been the consequences of making the choice of calling for the angels? Matthew 26:54

II. HOW CAN I BE RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE?
A. Believe what Jesus said about the freeing quality of truth. John 8:32
B. Realize that consistent truthfulness is a difficult goal to reach.
1. Telling the truth is difficult because it is difficult to know the truth - even our own truth. Jeremiah 17:9; 1 John 1:8
2. Paul wrote to faithful Christians who needed to quit lying. Ephesians 4:25; Ephesians 1:1; Acts 7:58
3. Although it is impossible for God to lie (Hebrews 6:18), men do not always keep their promises. 2 Peter 3:9
4. This failure to keep promises may be due to:
a. Dishonesty.
b. Disability.
c. Lack of information.
d. Fear.
e. Forgetfulness.
C. Count the cost of not knowing, loving, and telling the truth. 2 Thessalonians 2:10-12
D. Consider these principles.
1. Understand clearly what will be expected of you before you make promises. Mark 10:35,36
2. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver. Mark 10:37-40
3. Mind your own business. Matthew 20:23; 1 Thessalonians 4:11
4. Don’t prop up what you say. Matthew 5:33-36
5. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Matthew 5:37
6. Be accountable when it doesn’t work out that way. 1 John 1:9
7. Is it the time to tell this part of the truth? John 16:12
8. Listen to understand before you talk to answer. Proverbs 18:13
9. Try to get all possible pertinent information from different sources before drawing conclusions. Proverbs 18:17
10. Be conscious of telling the truth in “little things.” Luke 16:10

Conclusion:
A. Why is telling the truth a leadership principle that we need to practice?
B. When are some times when it will be hard to tell the truth as a leader?
C. What will an effective leader do when he or she finds that what he or she has promised has not or will not come true?

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 6

2007-09-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

Our sixth class last night was encouraging. We have good participation.

In preparing for our time-line and self-study, we have spreadsheets completed for the years 1961 - 1989. The remainder will be finished soon.

A family meeting will be conducted after services Sunday night, September 30.

Here is the outline of our class last night:

* * *

My Friend Jesus Loves Me All the Time

Introduction:
A. This is one of the Biblical definitions of a friend. Proverbs 17:17; Job 6:14
B. But how can I do this and not condone the sinful actions of others?

I. THE PEOPLE MOST ATTRACTED TO JESUS WERE THE PEOPLE MOST CONDEMNED BY OTHERS.
A. Jesus invited the troubled. Matthew 11:28-30
B. Rank sinners were more attracted to Jesus than the religious people. Matthew 21:28-32
1. He taught that each person was important and He treated them that way. Matthew 16:26
2. He selected a tax collector as one of His apostles. Mark 2:13,14
3. He ate with them. Mark 2:15-17
4. He accepted their company, admiration, and gifts. Luke 7:36-50
5. He forgave them. John 8:3-11

II. HOW CAN I LOVE THE SINNER, NOT APPROVE OF SIN, AND HELP HIM/HER TO OVERCOME SIN?
A. Understand my job description: it does not include keeping a heaven and hell list of people living or dead.
1. It is true that we can judge the actions of people and respond appropriately as God has authorized in the Bible.
a. We can inspect fruit. Matthew 7:15,20
b. We can withhold fellowship from brethren who rebelliously participate in willful sin. 1 Corinthians 5:11
2. However, I have not been authorized to keep a heaven and hell list, a summary of eternal judgment decrees.
a. It is not the time and I don’t have adequate information. 1 Corinthians 4:3-5
b. I don’t have the books. Revelation 20:12
c. I don’t have the authority. John 5:22
3. But what about judging righteous judgment? John 7:14-24
a. This had to do with Jesus’ education and whether He was teaching the truth.
b. This was in response to Jesus healing a man on the Sabbath day.
4. The judgment committed to the Son exclusively was eternal judgment. John 5:22-29
B. Be honest with myself, always searching for and applying truth to myself as I relate to others. Romans 14:14,22,23
C. Really give people a choice; invitation is not manipulation. Matthew 11:28-30; John 6:66-69; 1 Corinthians 1:17
D. Always leave the front door open and keep looking down the road for those who choose to come later. Luke 15:11-24
E. Reassure people of their value, acceptance, and the availability of forgiveness. Matthew 26:69-75; Mark 16:7

Conclusion:
A. How could you apply the principles of your Friend, Jesus, to develop a friendship with a dishonest politician, a prostitute, or a street person?
B. What structure would you set to keep from being infected with the sin in their life?
C. When and how might you proceed into a Bible study to teach them the good news of Jesus?
D. After their baptism, how would you help them place membership in this congregation, feel a part of the fellowship, continue to grow as a Christian, and be accepted as an important part of the body of Christ?

World Record!!!

2007-08-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

I enjoy seeing people break world records. Often, when a young person tells me it’s their birthday, I respond, "You have broken a world record!!! Never in the history of the entire world have you ever been five years old before. That is a world record!!!"
I broke a world record last Saturday. I have been running 38 years. I have run in uncounted 5K’s, 10K’s, three half marathons, and three marathons. I had never won a trophy. Never first, second, or third in overall competition. Never first, second, or third in my age group. That changed Saturday.
This past weekend was Founder’s Day in Eddyville, Kentucky. It was a weekend of music, crafts, a parade, and vendors with barbecue, cotton candy, funnel cakes, and more. They had the first Founder’s Day Fun Run and Walk Saturday morning. The two-mile trip started and ended at the Lyon County Middle School across the road from where we live. Members of the Eddyville church of Christ made up half the field of runners and walkers: Zach Lisanby, my wife, Gail, and me.
We started on time at 7:00 a.m. I finished 17 minutes and 9 seconds later – second in my age group. The other man, Clem Wethington, finished first with some distance between us. He was nice to run and talk with me to the turn around point – the fire plug at the NAPA store. Then he left and finished well.
After the run, I walked downtown and watched the three-on-three basketball competition and the parade. I was impressed by the cars carrying the 2007 Miss Founder’s Day Pageant winners. There was Miss Founder’s Day, another with Junior Miss Founder’s Day, followed by additional cars and pickups carrying Little Miss Founder’s Day, Petite Miss Founder’s Day, Tiny Miss Founder’s Day, Wee Miss Founder’s Day, and Baby Miss Founder’s Day. There was also a vehicle carrying third and fourth runners up. My guess is that many (if not all) were breaking world records. I did not hear one complaint that the organizers were giving too much recognition to too many people.
We followed that with a barbecue sandwich and Hawaiian shaved ice with Joe and Cheryl Walker. I enjoyed the party!!!
And I feel encouraged at breaking a world record with my first trophy for running!!!

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 5

2007-08-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

Sunday night we had a family meeting at Eddyville. Joe Walker, one of our elders, said that the elders were considering installing power point and a system for recording sermons. He asked for input from the congregation about this. We discussed the continued process of gathering the information for the statistics for the congregation for the past 46 years. Many are cooperating in this project. We passed out a questionnaire on our Bible school. 30 people participated in providing information on that. The results were interesting and should be helpful in improving this part of our work. We discussed the preacher selection process. Books have been ordered and given to the elders that give suggestions on how to proceed. The last part of the meeting was the criticism -- "What do you think about the preacher?". I appreciate everyone who participated in this. I promised to : (1) Listen; (2) Write it down; (3) Think about it. I look forward to our next criticism session in 3 months. Thank you for helping me improve.

Tonight, we finished half of the classes in our elder, deacon, preacher, spouse study on Jesus as our Friend. Everyone was present. We had a good discussion of grief -- how it affects us and how we can minister to our friends in grief. We are planning a graduation on a 4th Sunday night after we have completed the 10 lessons.

* * *

My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Sad

A. What can we learn from the two shortest verses in the Bible? John 11:35; 1 Thessalonians 5:16
B. Was Jesus obeying the principle in 1 Thessalonians 5:16 when he wept in John 11:35?
C. What is the biblical teaching about the painful feelings of grief and sorrow?
1. Is it, “Don’t worry – be happy?”
2. What did Jesus experience in the hours immediately preceding the cross? Matthew 26:37,38; Luke 22:44
3. Is it true that if we will just keep our minds on heaven, we won’t be concerned about these things which happen on earth? 1 Peter 1:3-6
4. Which does the Bible say is better, mourning or laughter? Ecclesiastes 7:2-4
a. Did he say it was more fun, enjoyable?
b. How could sorrow be better than laughter?
c. Is it wrong, sinful to laugh? Proverbs 17:22
d. How do you reconcile these verses?
e. What is the principle and blessing that Jesus states in the beatitudes that relates to this discussion? Matthew 5:4

I. HOW CAN JESUS UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I AM SAD?
A. What did Isaiah prophesy about Jesus that would qualify Him to understand me in my sorrow? Isaiah 53:3,4
B. Notice the examples of Jesus crying.
1. Why did Jesus cry over the city of Jerusalem? Luke 19:41-44
2. Jesus cried when Lazarus died.
a. What was Jesus’ relationship with Lazarus? John 11:3,11
b. What stages of grief do you see in this event in the life of Jesus? John 11:19-37
C. Notice the example of Jesus understanding the apostles.
1. While some may say that the apostles were unconcerned and indifferent, Jesus gave another observation. Matthew 26:40,41
2. To what does Luke, the doctor, attribute their sleep? Luke 22:45
3. This followed his unique comment about the intensity of Jesus’ agony. Luke 22:44

II. HOW CAN I BETTER UNDERSTAND MYSELF IN GRIEF?
A. What is grief?
B. When do we suffer grief; what is the key word?
C. What are some possible reactions to grief?
D. Should the Christian try to deny and suppress feelings of grief as soon as possible since the Bible says that we should “sorrow not”? 1 Thessalonians 4:13, KJV

III. HOW CAN I BE A FRIEND TO OTHERS IN GRIEF?
A. How can I help others who are experiencing loss?
B. What are some things I can do months after the loss?
C. How would the stages of grief relate to someone leaving another religion and those connected with it?
D. How would it be possible for someone to experience grief over giving up some sinful habit or practice?

Conclusion:
A. Be aware of your feelings when you lose small things.
B. Practice grieving as one with hope in these small losses.

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 4

2007-08-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

I was with the Upper Sinking congregation in Hickman County, Tennessee, last week in a 6-day Gospel Meeting. They had good attendance at each service. One of the highlights of the week was a children's class each night at 7:15. Out of a congregation of about 45, there were 13 children in the class. Most of them were present for every service. Joe Bates has recently started preaching and working with this congregation. They are enthusiastic about doing the Lord's work.

* * *

Tonight, we had the fourth of the classes for elders, deacons, and spouses at Eddyville. These families are investing interest and energy in these studies. Each class lasts 2 1/2 hours. I appreciate and I am encouraged by the desire to learn and to be more effective that these leaders are showing.

Below is the outline of tonights class:

* * *

My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Tempted
Lesson 4

I. HOW DOES JESUS UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I AM TEMPTED? Hebrews 4:15
A. Why do you think Jesus was really tempted to do these things at this time in His life? Matthew 4:1-10
B. What is temptation?
1. Is it a sin to be tempted?
2. Is it a sin to think about sinning?
3. Have you ever been tempted to do anything you have never thought about doing?
4. Is it a sin to want to sin?
5. Have you ever been tempted to do anything you did not want to do? James 1:13-15; Matthew 5:28
6. What sacrifices might one have to make to overcome temptation? Matthew 5:29,30
C. How can I know whether I am thinking about sinning as Moses or Jesus did (being tempted) or whether I am already sinning?
1. Am I looking at all known choices and their consequences?
2. Am I looking for truth or an excuse?
3. Am I being honest with myself? Psalm 51:6; Psalm 139:23,24

II. HOW DO I MAKE GOOD DECISIONS DURING TEMPTATION?
A. Have I given myself permission to look at more than one choice and be confused? Hebrews 11:24-27
1. Did Moses think about making the right choice (obeying and honoring God and His will)?
2. Did Moses think about sinning (making the wrong choice)?
a. How long was it from the time that Moses “became of age”, leaving his place as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, until he led the people of God out of Egypt? Acts 7:20-35; Acts 7:23,30
b. How enthusiastic was Moses, even after this period of time to obey God, face Pharaoh, and lead the Israelites out of Egypt? Exodus 3,4
c. What do you learn from Moses and his decision-making process?
B. Evaluate these statements in helping people to deal with temptation:
1. “What you need to do is just forget about this temptation, not think about it any more, and that will solve your problem.”
2. “Many people sin, not because they think about sinning, but because they do not think about sinning enough.”
C. Is this a candy decision or a car decision?

III. HOW CAN AN UNDERSTANDING FRIEND BE HELPFUL DURING TEMPTATION?
A. What should I expect from a true friend during temptation?
1. Condemnation that I should ever think of doing the wrong thing?
2. Telling me I cannot do what I am thinking about doing?
3. Agreement with whatever I wanted to do?
4. Detailed instructions on what to think and how to act?
5. Something else?
B. How can I be a friend like Jesus to someone who is experiencing temptation? Hebrews 2:17,18

Conclusion: Thinking about the next class: My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Sad.
A. Be prepared not to enjoy or necessarily “feel good” preparing for or participating in this class.
1. How did Jesus learn obedience? Hebrews 5:8,9
2. How did Jesus describe the process of following Him? Luke 9:23,24
B. Think about a loss or losses you have had in your life and how you have or have not experienced different stages of grief.

Learning to Love my Friend(s) 3

2007-07-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

Last week, we were with the Dorris Chapel congregation in Gibson County, Tennessee. They had great attendance from the community and sister congregations. They are doing well. They have had seven baptisms in the past few weeks. Their preacher, Tim Fuqua, has been with them twenty-three years. Valess Stults and Murray Turner serve well as elders. I preached there 1965, 1966. My first baptisms were there. The $150.00 they paid me for leading singing during a meeting in the summer of 1968 helped pay the hospital bill for our first child which we had without the benefit of insurance. It was encouraging to see their vitality.

Tonight, we had the third class for elders, deacons, and wives at Eddyville. As in previous sessions, we had perfect attendance and good participation. Yesterday, one of our elders, Randell O'Bryan, commended many people who had given good service. We started prayer and preparation for the special services September 2-5. Tim Alsup, who served well here, will be the preacher. We are looking forward to him and Arinne being back in Eddyville. I have heard good things about his ministry here. I am enjoying listening to him preach on tape while I shave in the moring.

The outline for tonight's class is below:

* * *

My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Tired and Lonely
Lesson 3

A. Feeling rights.
1. I have a right to my feelings.
a. God made me with emotions.
b. He made me with the capacity to experience sadness, fear, and anger as well as joy and contentment.
2. I have a right to feel as I do toward other people.
a. These feelings should be contrasted with actions coming out of those feelings.
b. Jesus, Who did not sin, was able to feel compassion, grief, and anger as well as other emotions. Mark 1:41; Mark 3:5
3. I have a right to express my feelings.
a. Expression of feelings should be done openly, honestly, specifically, caringly, respectfully, and responsibly.
b. Feelings should also be expressed at the appropriate time, in the proper place, in adequate amounts, and toward the appropriate person.
4. I have a right and responsibility to listen and respond to the feelings of others.
a. One who truly listens to another, communicates:
(1) “I care about you.”
(2) “You are important and valuable as a person.”
(3) “You are not bad and terrible although you share your painful feelings with me.”
b. Careful and concerned listening is a way of practicing the Golden Rule. Matthew 7:12
5. I have a right to process or work through my feelings.
a. Often when one is expressing painful feelings such as grief or anger someone will say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
b. However, this contradicts clear Bible teaching. Ecclesiastes 3:4; Romans 12:15; Ephesians 4:26
c. To work through or put away feelings, these steps may be helpful: Ephesians 4:31
(1) A person must become aware of having particular feelings.
(2) An individual must correctly identify his feelings.
(3) An individual must analyze his feelings and their origin thoroughly.
(4) He needs to express the appropriate amount of feelings at an appropriate time, in the appropriate place, toward the correct person(s) or event.
(5) In working through feelings, a person must experience them - not just say feeling words; for example, crying until one is finished. (Many of these thoughts came from Managing Church Conflict, by James A. Jones.)
B. If this is true, Jesus understands me with all my feelings.

I. JESUS UNDERSTANDS ME WHEN I AM TIRED.
A. We can get weary in well doing. Galatians 6:9
B. Why do we get weary in well doing?
1. We have no hope; it seems nothing is being accomplished. Isaiah 55:10,11; 1 Corinthians 15:58
2. We may have a task that is too difficult. Acts 15:10
3. We may have more than we can do. Acts 6:1-4
C. Jesus promised those who followed Him rest. Matthew 11:28-30
D. He taught that principle to His disciples. Mark 6:30-32; Mark 6:45,46

II. JESUS UNDERSTANDS ME WHEN I AM LONELY.
A. What does it mean to feel lonely?
1. Does it always mean that there are no people around?
2. How can we feel connected with ourselves and others when we are alone?
B. What are some times when people are likely to feel lonely?
1. When was a time when you felt lonely?
2. Is it permissible to express your painful feelings, even to God? Psalm 77
C. Why can Jesus understand me when I am lonely? John 6:66; Matthew 26:56
D. Who will always be with me when I am obeying the Lord? Matthew 28:20
E. Who will be looking for me if I should stray away from the Lord? Luke 15:4-7

III. THE FACT THAT JESUS IS MY FRIEND CAN MOTIVATE ME TO SERVE OTHERS. John 15:13-15
A. What does the word friend mean to you?
B. What did you and I do to deserve and demand that Jesus be our friend, come to earth, and die for us? Romans 5:8,9
C. “God loves you whether you like it or not!”
D. In view of our lack of merit, and yet knowing that Christ did die for us, is our motivation grace or guilt?
1. Did Paul serve because he still was guilty or because Jesus had released him from his guilt?
a. How could he say that he was the hardest working apostle and not be bragging? 1 Corinthians 15:9,10
b. How did he see grace as an opportunity for service and an occasion for praise? 1 Timothy 1:12-17
2. Define grace in your own words.
3. How can this motivate us to be more effective servants, friends, and leaders?

Learning to Love My Friend(s) 2

2007-07-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

We had a family meeting Sunday night at Eddyville. I invited people to help with processing the information for the congregational self-study. The wife of one of our elders, Emma Walker, has kept attendance and contribution records for 46 years. That will be valuable in looking at our past. I have been editing and fomatting the self-study questionaire that I received from Charles Siburt. We need people to print, fold, colate, and staple those. More than enough people volunteered to help. I am encouaged.

We had our second home Bible study at the home of one of our deacons tonight. Everyone was present and participated well. We talked tonight about how we can better understand and help others. I am including the outline below.

* * *

My Friend Jesus Understands Me
Lesson 2

Three aims of this study:
1. Learn to love and appreciate Jesus more as my Friend.
2. Become more like Jesus in my friendship with others as He is a Friend to me.
3. Learn to teach and communicate to others that they also can have a friendship with Jesus.

I. JESUS UNDERSTANDS ME BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT I AM THINKING. John 2:24,25; Acts 1:24

II. THE LORD KNOWS ME INSIDE OUT. Psalm 139:1-12

III. HOW CAN I BE LIKE JESUS IN UNDERSTANDING SINCE I CAN'T READ ANOTHER'S MIND? 1 Corinthians 2:11
A. How do you feel when someone tries to read your mind?
B. How accurate are you in reading another's mind?

IV. HOW CAN I HELP OTHERS BE LIKE JESUS IN UNDERSTANDING WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME? Matthew 7:7,8; James 5:14

V. I NEED TO LEARN TO LISTEN. James 1:19
A. Because many people have answers to their own problems; but they need the assistance of friends who can help them draw them out. Proverbs 20:5
B. This means that I need to be slow to talk. James 1:19
1. I cannot talk and listen at the same time.
2. I may speak before I understand, be embarrassed, and be ineffective. Proverbs 18:13
C. Some advice from Jesus.
1. Take heed what you hear. Mark 4:24
2. Take heed how you hear. Luke 8:18
3. Am I trying to learn the truth or am I trying to get my way? John 8:32
4. Have I listened to more than one side of a disagreement? Proverbs 18:17
D. Am I listening to answer or understand?
1. How important is motive in our actions and in the actions of others? Proverbs 4:23
2. Am I irritated at the person to whom I am talking and what they are doing or not doing because it reminds me of something I am doing or not doing? Luke 6:39-45
3. Do you think that many people sin because they want to sin and be unhappy or because they haven't thought through the consequences of their actions? Luke 23:34; Acts 3:17; 1 Corinthians 2:7,8
4. How could it be possible for someone to be living outside of God's will, even for a long time, and not realize it? 1 John 1:8
5. If I can learn to be a friend to others as Jesus is a friend to me in understanding, what are the opportunities for me to help:
a. Others who are my friends? 2 Samuel 12:1-13
(1) How long had it been since David had committed the sins of adultery and murder? 2 Samuel 11:27
(2) If it were possible for David, who was a man after God's own heart, to commit the sins of adultery and murder and not realize the impact of his disobedience for that long, could it be possible for that to happen to people today?
(3) How could listening to understand rather than listening to answer be both more helpful and easier?
b. Myself?
(1) If I learn something about myself while trying to understand others, what are some possible reactions I might have?
(2) How could this be an opportunity for my growth? Psalm 51:6; Psalm 139:23,24; Galatians 6:1
(3) How do I grow, change? Matthew 13:15

The factory engine wouldn’t start
And so they took the thing apart
To search for flaws.
They took it down from top to base,
They looked at flange and gear and case,
To find the cause.
“Something’s broken,” they declared,
“And what it is must be repaired.”

Nearby a drowsy workman stood,
And someone muttered: “He’s no good;
Just let him go.”
They did not take that man apart,
Or think to search his mind and heart,
The cause to know.
Nobody thought to ask him why
There was no luster in his eye.

But had they looked into the gloom
Of what he called a sitting room,
Or searched his life
They would have found a woman frail,
Tubercular and drawn and pale,
Who was his wife.
And then they might have understood
Why he seemed to be no good.

When engines in a factory stop
We search the things from base to top;
But when a man breaks
We seldom pause,
To search his life to find the cause.
Yet we might mend him could we find
The thing that’s preying on his mind.

- Anonymous

Learning to Love My Friend(s) 1

2007-06-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

We had our first home Bible study at our house tonight with all the elders, deacons, and wives present. I appreciate the presence, interest, and participation of everyone.
Below is the outline of the lesson we studied.

* * *

Opening Lesson
Lesson 1

A. Define opening: “to enter upon: begin; to move from closed position; to make discerning or responsive.”
B. In this class, we want to have an opening of our:
1. Bible. Psalm 119:105,130
2. Mind. Acts 17:11,28
3. Eyes. Matthew 13:15
4. Ears. Matthew 11:15; Revelation 2:7,11,17,29;
Revelation 3:6,13,22; Revelation 13:9
5. Heart. Matthew 13:15

I. LISTEN TO GOD.
A. God is the supreme authority. Ecclesiastes 5:1,2
B. God speaks through His word. 1 Corinthians 2:9-13
C. His thoughts are great! Romans 11:33-36

II. LISTEN TO MYSELF. 2 Timothy 2:7
A. How do we listen to ourselves?
B. Am I weak enough to help others?
1. At this time, do I need to help or do I need to be helped? Some people are not ready to help others. They have so many problems on a particular day, which they have not worked through, that when they supposedly minister, they are actually looking for someone to help them. They unload their problems on others.
2. How can I get strong enough to minister to others?
a. By being weak. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
b. By being weak enough to ask for help. Matthew 7:7,8;
Galatians 6:2
c. By being weak enough to know I am helpless. 1 Kings 3:7-10
d. I won’t always know what to say. Matthew 5:3
e. I won’t always be able to cheer people up. Proverbs 13:12
C. Am I strong enough to help others?
1. Am I aware of the wisdom I have now and have available by learning from myself? Psalm 51:6
2. When I was in a similar situation, how did I feel; what did I need? Galatians 6:1
3. Do I believe (understand) what I sing?
Amazing grace! how sweet the sound!
that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
a. Do I believe what the Bible says? Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23;
1 John 1:8
4. Could I ever be in a similar situation in the future?
1 Corinthians 10:12
5. How would I feel; what would I need; how would I want to be treated? Matthew 7:12
D. To treat strangers right, I need the heart of a stranger.
Exodus 23:9
E. I need to learn from my experience.
1. I read what the Bible says. Romans 10:17; Matthew 6:33
2. I observe that what the Bible says corresponds to reality.
Psalm 37:25
3.
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more.

III. LISTEN TO OTHERS.
A. To understand from their understanding, comments, and insights.
Acts 8:30,31
B. To learn from their good examples.
1. Jesus. John 1:14
2. Others. Hebrews 11: Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, others.
C. To learn from other’s bad examples.
1. Lot’s wife. Luke 17:32
2. Disobedient Israelites. 1 Corinthians 10:1-13
D. To learn from things, places, and events.
1. A fallen fence covered with weeds. Proverbs 24:30-34
2. Matthew 6.
a. Birds. Matthew 6:26
b. Grass. Matthew 6:28-34
3. Matthew 13.
a. A farmer. Matthew 13:3-9,18-23
b. One small seed. Matthew 13:31,32
c. Yeast. Matthew 13:33
d. Hidden treasure. Matthew 13:44
e. A valuable pearl. Matthew 13:45,46
f. Fishing. Matthew 13:47-50

A. What have you learned from this opening lesson?
B. What might you be able to learn, using the principles we have discussed in your family, on your job, driving down the highway, during leisure time, serving others, being a leader?

Transistion

2007-04-20T03:36:00.000-07:00

April 1 was the biggest and longest party I have attended. The brothers and sisters at Berry's Chapel went the second and third mile to make our last day a memorable one. More than 500 people were present for the morning services. It was good that my entire immediate family was able to be present. The food for the noon meal was plentiful and delicious. The 4ever Brothers did a great job singing. The afternoon service with Jermey Houck and Chad Hedgepath speaking was encouraging. I appreciated the preachers from the Third Monday Workshop coming with their gifts. They gave me enough motel soap to last at least through my first interim. The elders were kind in their remarks. The gifts were generous and appreciated. We have hung the picture of downtown Franklin in our foyer. The Cracker Barrel rockers are already being used. The more than $5,000.00 that members at Berry's Chapel gave in our honor to Childhaven was a surprise and will be used to help children. I was at a board meeting there April 12. That contribution is appreciated by the board, staff, and children at Childhaven.
I'm glad we read the book, Managing Transitions, by William Bridges in our staff meetings during the last few months. He discussed the steps in a transition: ending, new beginning, and the neutral zone. I remember that confusion and disorientation are normal in the neutral zone. The first week after "retirement" was spent in work, service, and cleaning out my "upper room" study. Copying files to flash drives and deleting data and programs on the church computer ran into the next week.
One of the projects we are enjoying is visiting congregations where we have worked over the last forty years. Sunday, April 8, we went to Yorkville, Tennessee. Forty years previously, the second Sunday in April, 1967, I preached my first sermon as the full-time preacher for that congregation. They asked me to preach. It was encouraging to hear Bobby McKnight repeat my favorite memory verse that developed during that ministry four decades earlier.
That Sunday night, we went to West Nashville Heights in Nashville, Tennessee, where I preached before coming to Berry's Chapel. We look forward to other visits before starting at Eddyville, Kentucky, May 6. That will be "Friends and Family Day." We moved some boxes there Monday night. They are preparing the house for us in a beautiful way.
I am writing this at 5:45 a.m. I have spent the night setting up a new printer, transfering files to my laptop, which will be my "interim computer," and learning a new program for graphics. I usually stay up a night or two with a new computer.
We are packing and collecting duplicates of things we will need both at home and at our other home.
I have bought a new book on blogging. I hope to learn what it is and how to do it better.
Thanks to Jill Parker, I now have a web site that tells something about me and interim ministry. Please check it out at: www.barberclippings.com.

Introduction

2006-12-11T11:21:00.001-08:00

I have been planning to do interim work for several years. John Parker, Gail, and I trained with the Interim Ministry Network in 1998, 1999. There were five days in the classroom, six months field work, then five more days in the classroom.John Parker and I started a monthly e-mail newsletter, When Your Preacher Leaves: Interim Services for Churches Between Ministers. We are including helpful and enjoyable information of interest to leaders in the church. To subscribe, go to this page: http://www.ridmail.com/sites/jerrie/sub.php or you may e-mail me at barberclippings@comcast.net .I look forward to sharing thoughts with you and hearing from you.