Am I Aware of What I Don't Like?

…continued from last month...

     We get married, move to a new congregation because of what we like–the perfection we perceive in the new partner.  People get a divorce, fire the preacher, move looking for greener pastures, because of what they don’t like.

     Some of this should come out in the interview process.  If everyone is looking for the truth–not just a preacher or a job–we will be able to share our strengths and weaknesses.  We can then talk about how and if we can live with our differences.  Another way to get to that part of the truth–and to check the information you have already received–is through checking references. 

     Usually a prospective preacher is asked for references.  It is my experience and observation that references are not often checked.  “Anybody can find three people who will say good things about them.”  And when they are checked it is often done poorly.  I receive several calls a year from people wanting to know about someone interested in a position in a church or business.  Often the question is, “What can you tell me about this person,” with little or no follow-up. 

…continued...

Checking References on a Prospective Preacher (What Do You Not Like and How Will You Put Up With It?)

     One of the questions I enjoy asking in pre-marital counseling: “What is it about you future wife/husband 

• that irritates you 
• that you don’t like 
• you think you will be able to change in six months 
• but you won’t 
• and how will you put up with it?” 

     Then we have a discussion about looooooooooooooooooooooong-suffering. Longsuffering means suffering a long time. 

     I don’t believe a couple is ready to get married until they know – both what they like AND what they don’t like about each other and how they will put up with it. I also think the same principle is true of a preacher and a congregation. 

...to be continued...

Criticism Is and Will Be

…continued from last month...

I can be defeated by criticism by:

1.  Rejecting it all. This assumes that I am the smartest, wisest person on earth. There is no one who knows as much-and certainly not more than I do. No one could tell me a better way to think or act. Therefore, I do not need to hear a critic. And if anyone should have one small bit of information different from what I have already thought (and I doubt if they do), they must come with the best attitude (judged by me), with the right tone of voice, at the right time, and acknowledge that I am probably right. Moreover, if I am not right on this issue, I am right on everything else. 

2.  Accepting it all. Everyone knows more than I do. All people are wiser than I am. Any time any one tells me a better way to think or act, I must comply with his or her wishes. After all, I have few goals in life. My main one is to please everyone all the time. That's not asking much. Therefore, when anyone criticizes me, I will immediately take that person's advice. I will comply with his wishes.

     There is at least one more choice. I can listen to what others say. I can thank them for their concern. Anyone who finds salmonella or E. coli in my refrigerator and tells me is my friend-not my enemy. Anyone who criticizes has some concern, some connection to me.

     After I have listened, I can think. I can evaluate. I can decide if the comments were helpful, hurtful, or neutral. I can choose to accept, reject, or ponder the comments. I am not obligated to accept, refuse, defend, or refute. I can think and act appropriately. When I have remembered to do this, I become less anxious and wiser.

     Charles Reynolds Brown, dean of Yale Divinity School, commented, "The man who does not know, and does not know that he does not know and is not willing that anyone should tell him that he does not know, had better not enter the ministry-he had better raise sweet potatoes "Education for Christian Service, "The Training of a Minister," page 11).
For a longer discussion of this subject, select the CD: How to Accept, Invite, and Enjoy Criticism .

Leaders Are Criticized

…continued from last month...

          The children of Israel wanted a recall on Moses and Aaron. When Joshua and Caleb concurred with their leadership, the congregation wanted to stone them (Numbers 14:1-10).  Paul was criticized.  "For his letters," they say, "are weighty and powerful, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible" (2 Corinthians 10:10, NKJV).  In our language:  "He is ugly and he can't preach."  Jesus was criticized.  He was called a glutton and a wino (Matthew 11:19).  "He has a demon, and is insane" (John 10:20, ESV).  On one occasion, His own people said, "He is out of His mind" (Mark 3:21, NKJV).  If Jesus and Paul were not good enough and effective enough to escape criticism, even from those close to them, Jerrie Barber will be criticized.

          If that is true, I have some choices.  I can play the game of "Ain't it awful" and wish that it would go away.  I can get angry and defensive and blame the criticizers.  I can feel rejected and depressed because everybody doesn't appreciate how hard I work and how dedicated I am.  Or I can accept reality:  lightning rods attract lightning.  Lightning rods process strong surges of electricity.  A bolt of lightning can travel 37 miles per second and reach a temperature of 54,000 degrees F.  The lightning rod accepts the power and transports it to the ground to keep the house over which it is watching safe.

…to be continued...

Are You a Lightning Rod or a Knicknack?−Attitude Toward Criticism

     During the early years of my ministry, I didn't want criticism.  I was scared of criticism.  When someone told me what they didn't like, I felt rejected, mistreated.  Twenty-one years after I started preaching, it was brought to my attention that criticism is a given.  People thought it.  I had the choice of knowing what others think and evaluating whether it is helpful or not helpful or of letting people know that I don't want it.  If I choose that, my friend told me, "They won't tell you their criticisms until they are ready to fire (divorce, leave, reject) you."

     As I have reflected on that conversation on a Monday afternoon in 1982, I have thought about the absurdity of my original attitude toward criticism.  When a person accepts a position of leadership (elder, deacon, preacher, teacher, parent, Christian), he or she is accepting an opportunity of being in front and calling others to a higher plane.  My picture is that of a lightning rod.  The encyclopedia says that a lightning rod is a "metallic rod (usually copper) that protects a structure from lightning damage by intercepting flashes and guiding their currents into the ground.  Because lightning tends to strike the highest object in the vicinity, rods are typically placed at the apex of a structure and along its ridges; they are connected to the ground by low-impedance cables" (http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-9048229/lightning-rod).

...to be continued...

1 Timothy 2:1, 2

     Sunday in Bible study we discussed 1 Timothy 2:1, 2:  "Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence" (NKJV).

     I reflected on the emails I receive and the posts on Facebook relating to our officials—many containing insults and criticisms (some true and some false according to Snopes.com and Hoaxbusters.org).  I don't see that rehearsing their faults is helping me to have a more quiet and peaceable life.

     I have decided this week to do what Paul said for officials:  make supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks.  It may not change our president, the congress, the Supreme Court, or a constable in the county.  But it could change me if I reflect every day during my prayer for them that they are ultimately not in control of this country or the universe.

     God is involved in the selection of rulers.

"And He changes the times and the seasons;  He removes kings and raises up kings;  He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding" (Daniel 2:21).

     God called Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon, "My servant."  Our Father has and can use evil people to accomplish His will.

     Paul tells me to obey governing authorities and honor them (Romans 13:1-7).

     This week I plan to do this.  The worst of my government officials are probably much better than the Caesar ruling Paul when he wrote the book of Romans.

Evaluation Should Be Mutual

     Obviously, elders have the oversight of a congregation which includes the preacher and other people on staff as well as the rest of the congregation (Acts 20:28). A supervisor has the responsibility of the effectiveness of those under his or her leadership. However, a position and title of oversight does not carry with it infallibility. 

     Evaluators need to be evaluated. Christians are to honor and express appreciation to the leaders (1 Thessalonians 5:12, 13). As members we are not to accept and believe frivolous, unfounded, derogatory comments about elders (1 Timothy 5:17). But if they continually and rebelliously miss the mark with no indication of correction, they are to be publicly censured (1 Timothy 5:18). If that is true, some discussion before that serious reprimand would be following the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12). 

     Evaluation isn’t a negative word. It includes both corrective and positive observations—all for the good of everyone. When we tell the truth about each other, we are free to improve, continue, adjust, or reply to gain a better understanding and relationship. “Joshua the son of Nun, who stands before you, he shall go in there. Encourage him, for he shall cause Israel to inherit it” (Deuteronomy 1:38) “But command Joshua, and encourage him and strengthen him; for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which you will see” (Deuteronomy 3:28). “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips” (Proverbs 27:2). “Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2). “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). 

     This principle has tremendous implications. Think of how relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, elders and congregations, teachers and students could be improved by invited, truthful, regular, and mutual evaluation.