Stages in Transition

There is a difference between change and transition. Change is something that happens which we may or may not choose. Transition is my response to change.

Change is from the outside. Transition is from the inside.

William Bridges outlines the three stages of transition (notice the books from the previous post):

1. Ending, losing, letting go. Transition begins with loosing something.

2. The new beginning. Eventually, something new will start.

3. The neutral zone. The key to understanding transition is this stage. It is the in-between time. The old is gone. The new isn’t fully operational. This is usually a time of confusion, disorientation.

Notice in the illustration that often one will be in all three stages at the same time. There will be the fear and sadness of the ending. There will be the excitement of the new opportunities. And on the same day will be confusion and wonder if anything will ever be normal again.

Transition Books

William Bridges became an expert on transitions. His tapes and books have been helpful to me.

The first one I read was Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes. His entrance into the study and teaching was interesting: “I became interested in the subject of transition around 1970 when I was going through some difficult inner and outer changes. Although I gave up my teaching career because of those changes, I found myself teaching a seminar called, ‘Being in Transition.’” He states that change comes from the outside and is inevitable. Transition comes from the inside and is a choice.

The second book I read was Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change. The first was the process and theory of transition. This one is a handbook of how to manage change in individuals and groups. A “mustard seed” I gained from this book was the Transition Monitoring Team – a committee in the organization that keeps the leaders aware of how the group is dealing with the change.

The third book, The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moments, describes how he dealt with the terminal illness of his wife, her death, his recovery, and eventual remarriage. He said there were times in this process he doubted whether anything he had been teaching was right. The pain of the “neutral zone” was great for him even though he had studied it and had been teaching the principles for years.

“Preacheritis”

Often when people are fondly recalling their former preacher – repeating something he said, or telling how he did something, someone will say, “They have preacheritis.” Certainly Paul addressed the harmful allegiance to men that was causing division in the church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 1:1-15). It is not right to follow a human instead of Jesus. It is not right to cause division in the church because of personalities.


However, it may be that some people are dealing with the loss of a preacher, a brother in Christ, a friend, in a normal way.

Does a woman who is depressed, angry, disoriented, sad, and crying have “husbanitis” after her companion of twenty or more years is buried?

Did Job‟s wife have “oxenitis,” “donkeyitis,” “sheepitis,” “camelitis,” and “childitis” when she said to her very sick husband, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9)? Years ago, I was critical of Mrs. Job for this statement. But I have never attended the funeral for all my children in one day in addition to going from being one of the richest persons in my community to loosing every investment and the health of my companion in a short time.

Did Mary and Martha have “brotheritis” when they individually said to Jesus when he came to visit, ““Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21, 32)?

The normal human reaction to loss is grief. To deny people the right to work through their feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and jealously or their feelings of joy, guilt, and frustration (depending on whether that person is the one who wanted the preacher to go or stay) is to create an atmosphere to act out in an unhealthy way what could have been talked out in a mutually beneficial exchange. It may be that listening and asking questions to allow more talking would be more helpful than being critical and assigning a negative label to the person talking about their recently departed preacher.

This is one of the benefits of interim ministry. A trained interim sees complimentary comments about the previous preacher as a normal part of the transition process and is not threatened. The interim preacher does not come to replace the previous preacher. He is working in the congregation in the in-between-times. Part of the service of an interim is to “be there” to allow time for grief and adjustment after a long ministry or during a time of conflict.

Forty-Eight Years Ago!

Tuesday I was in Centerville, Tennessee, and ate at the Fish Camp Restaurant. I noticed a sign on the wall, “Maple Shade Farm, Polled Shorthorns, J. W. Shouse and Sons, Centerville, Tenn.” Mr. Shouse and his sons used this sign to identify their livestock when they showed at the Hickman County Fair and the Tennessee State Fair.

I had seen the sign the last few times that I ate there. I thought I remembered painting the sign for Wash Shouse. Wash was the brother-in-law of Minnie Pearl (Ophelia Cannon).

This week, my daughter-in-law, Terri Barber, said, “There are small letters on the bottom of the sign – like a signature.” I walked to the sign and there was my name, painted forty-eight years ago: JERRIE BARBER.

It brought back good memories of growing up in Shipps Bend.  I used stencils and a very small paint brush. I worked slowly and carefully.

It never occurred to me that I would see this sign nearly a half century later.

I have asked myself many times since Tuesday, “What am I doing now that will be around fifty more years?”. Am I using the same carefulness and accuracy with which I painted that sign? Will the people who see and remember my work be proud to say, “I knew the man who did that”.

“By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks” (Hebrews 11:4).

Consider the Inside as Well as the Outside

One of the very helpful nights to me during this transition (this series begins with October 1, 2009 post) was when an eldership agreed to meet with me to tell me why they didn’t want me to be their preacher. We met – at my request – in their building, for them to tell me why I didn’t fit in that congregation and how, from their viewpoint, I could be more effective in my preaching and teaching during the “try out” Sunday. That facet of truth, early in the process, helped me to do a better job of “trying out” with several other congregations.

God teaches in His word that we are to be more concerned with the inside than with the externals. I remember having preached that principle (I Samuel 16:7), but I also recall being so impressed years ago with a new church building and a large Sunday morning attendance that I agreed to move to a congregation where there was clearly not a basis for a good working relationship between me and the elders of that church. They hired me at 9:30 one Wednesday night. After thinking about the heart of the situation as well as the externals, I resigned at 6:00 the next morning. Solomon wrote, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a wide house shared with a contentious woman” (Proverbs 25:24).

I am thankful for the experience of the months of evaluation of myself and where I needed to be. It was a good opportunity to learn and to test God’s principles.

Do We Fit?

One of the most peaceful principles to me during the time of transition is that God is in control. He loves His church. He loves me. If, as Daniel said (Daniel 2:20-21), He is involved in government changes, I believe that He is also interested and involved in preacher changes as well. What I am to do in all my life is to find His will through following His principles. When I do this, I will have my needs met (Matthew 6:33).

Freedom comes from knowing the truth and cooperating with it (John 8:32). Both the congregation and the preacher need to be joint seekers of truth in the preacher-congregation search. To help in this process, it was my goal to be transparently honest in the interview, revealing my weaknesses and undesirable traits as well as those which look more favorable. When truth is the goal, I‘m not trying to get a job and the congregation which might be interested in me is not trying to hire me. We are searching for the truth, asking God to supply the wisdom (James 1:5), to determine if we should be together or not.

Part of the truth I was seeking during each visit or with any other communication was evaluating the fit between the congregation and me. The prophet Amos asked, "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?" (Amos 3:3). The correct answer is "No". I wanted to know if we fit doctrinally. I also wanted to know if we fit in methods, emphasis, and attitudes.

Pop Quiz on Christmas Celebration

I’ve observed (and taken) different positions on Christmas celebration.

There are some who believe it is wrong to sing “Christmas songs” during December lest someone think that Christians are celebrating the birth of Jesus. One of the great controversies in one congregation was whether to hang “Christmas wreaths” on the door for the same reason. The biggest protest of that event was by an elder’s wife who was irritated that wreaths were hung on the door. She made her complaint while wearing a green sweat shirt with a Christmas tree on front. The lights outlining the tree were blinking in my eyes as she registered her objection just before Sunday services.

We had friends who thought that it was wrong to celebrate Christmas as Jesus’ birthday and wrong to exchange presents on Christmas. When we visited them on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, their dining room table was full of presents. We asked, “Are you exchanging Christmas presents?” The answer was, “Absolutely not. We just decided to get something for each other.”

There are those who choose to think about the birth of Jesus and thank God for His birth, life, and death during December. But some of these same gracious people also want to ridicule and scold conscientious and faithful followers of Jesus who choose not to celebrate His birth any more on December 25th than they do on the 4th of July. Surely people who would not set aside this special day started by we don’t know who and when must be narrow-minded, unspiritual, and against reaching out to others.

Is either approach to this wonderful time of year – as well as other wonderful times of year – one that enhances love, respect, and unity in Christ’s body? Is there a scripture that tells me and others that it is either or and that I should disparage those who don’t do it my way? Does God address this?

Consider:

“Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things…Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it…But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother?...Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way” (Romans 14:1, 4-6, 10, 13).

Thought questions:

• Is it right to scold people for remembering the day God decided to “camp out” personally on the earth – the event that fulfilled prophecies, split the calendar, and gave hope and help to all creation? In view of what Paul wrote through inspiration of the Holy Spirit, should I be moving my brother to a lower degree of maturity because he sets aside more time during the last few days of each year (or on Valentine Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, George Washington’s birthday, or any other day of the 365) to reflect on this great event?
• Is it helpful and edifying to rebuke and ridicule a fellow-Christian who at this point in his Christian life has decided that all days are the same?
• Who is most spiritual in action and attitude:

1. The “anti-think-about-the-birth-of-Jesus-around-December-25” Christian?


2. The Christian who chooses to celebrate on that day and expresses contempt for those who don’t?


3. The Christian who is content with Paul’s observation, “One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind; He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord,” who will not be critical of a brother who makes another choice, and will not be intimidated by a brother who criticizes his choice?