Learning to Love my Friend(s) 3

Last week, we were with the Dorris Chapel congregation in Gibson County, Tennessee. They had great attendance from the community and sister congregations. They are doing well. They have had seven baptisms in the past few weeks. Their preacher, Tim Fuqua, has been with them twenty-three years. Valess Stults and Murray Turner serve well as elders. I preached there 1965, 1966. My first baptisms were there. The $150.00 they paid me for leading singing during a meeting in the summer of 1968 helped pay the hospital bill for our first child which we had without the benefit of insurance. It was encouraging to see their vitality.

Tonight, we had the third class for elders, deacons, and wives at Eddyville. As in previous sessions, we had perfect attendance and good participation. Yesterday, one of our elders, Randell O'Bryan, commended many people who had given good service. We started prayer and preparation for the special services September 2-5. Tim Alsup, who served well here, will be the preacher. We are looking forward to him and Arinne being back in Eddyville. I have heard good things about his ministry here. I am enjoying listening to him preach on tape while I shave in the moring.

The outline for tonight's class is below:

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My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Tired and Lonely
Lesson 3

A. Feeling rights.
1. I have a right to my feelings.
a. God made me with emotions.
b. He made me with the capacity to experience sadness, fear, and anger as well as joy and contentment.
2. I have a right to feel as I do toward other people.
a. These feelings should be contrasted with actions coming out of those feelings.
b. Jesus, Who did not sin, was able to feel compassion, grief, and anger as well as other emotions. Mark 1:41; Mark 3:5
3. I have a right to express my feelings.
a. Expression of feelings should be done openly, honestly, specifically, caringly, respectfully, and responsibly.
b. Feelings should also be expressed at the appropriate time, in the proper place, in adequate amounts, and toward the appropriate person.
4. I have a right and responsibility to listen and respond to the feelings of others.
a. One who truly listens to another, communicates:
(1) “I care about you.”
(2) “You are important and valuable as a person.”
(3) “You are not bad and terrible although you share your painful feelings with me.”
b. Careful and concerned listening is a way of practicing the Golden Rule. Matthew 7:12
5. I have a right to process or work through my feelings.
a. Often when one is expressing painful feelings such as grief or anger someone will say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
b. However, this contradicts clear Bible teaching. Ecclesiastes 3:4; Romans 12:15; Ephesians 4:26
c. To work through or put away feelings, these steps may be helpful: Ephesians 4:31
(1) A person must become aware of having particular feelings.
(2) An individual must correctly identify his feelings.
(3) An individual must analyze his feelings and their origin thoroughly.
(4) He needs to express the appropriate amount of feelings at an appropriate time, in the appropriate place, toward the correct person(s) or event.
(5) In working through feelings, a person must experience them - not just say feeling words; for example, crying until one is finished. (Many of these thoughts came from Managing Church Conflict, by James A. Jones.)
B. If this is true, Jesus understands me with all my feelings.

I. JESUS UNDERSTANDS ME WHEN I AM TIRED.
A. We can get weary in well doing. Galatians 6:9
B. Why do we get weary in well doing?
1. We have no hope; it seems nothing is being accomplished. Isaiah 55:10,11; 1 Corinthians 15:58
2. We may have a task that is too difficult. Acts 15:10
3. We may have more than we can do. Acts 6:1-4
C. Jesus promised those who followed Him rest. Matthew 11:28-30
D. He taught that principle to His disciples. Mark 6:30-32; Mark 6:45,46

II. JESUS UNDERSTANDS ME WHEN I AM LONELY.
A. What does it mean to feel lonely?
1. Does it always mean that there are no people around?
2. How can we feel connected with ourselves and others when we are alone?
B. What are some times when people are likely to feel lonely?
1. When was a time when you felt lonely?
2. Is it permissible to express your painful feelings, even to God? Psalm 77
C. Why can Jesus understand me when I am lonely? John 6:66; Matthew 26:56
D. Who will always be with me when I am obeying the Lord? Matthew 28:20
E. Who will be looking for me if I should stray away from the Lord? Luke 15:4-7

III. THE FACT THAT JESUS IS MY FRIEND CAN MOTIVATE ME TO SERVE OTHERS. John 15:13-15
A. What does the word friend mean to you?
B. What did you and I do to deserve and demand that Jesus be our friend, come to earth, and die for us? Romans 5:8,9
C. “God loves you whether you like it or not!”
D. In view of our lack of merit, and yet knowing that Christ did die for us, is our motivation grace or guilt?
1. Did Paul serve because he still was guilty or because Jesus had released him from his guilt?
a. How could he say that he was the hardest working apostle and not be bragging? 1 Corinthians 15:9,10
b. How did he see grace as an opportunity for service and an occasion for praise? 1 Timothy 1:12-17
2. Define grace in your own words.
3. How can this motivate us to be more effective servants, friends, and leaders?

Learning to Love My Friend(s) 2

We had a family meeting Sunday night at Eddyville. I invited people to help with processing the information for the congregational self-study. The wife of one of our elders, Emma Walker, has kept attendance and contribution records for 46 years. That will be valuable in looking at our past. I have been editing and fomatting the self-study questionaire that I received from Charles Siburt. We need people to print, fold, colate, and staple those. More than enough people volunteered to help. I am encouaged.

We had our second home Bible study at the home of one of our deacons tonight. Everyone was present and participated well. We talked tonight about how we can better understand and help others. I am including the outline below.

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My Friend Jesus Understands Me
Lesson 2

Three aims of this study:
1. Learn to love and appreciate Jesus more as my Friend.
2. Become more like Jesus in my friendship with others as He is a Friend to me.
3. Learn to teach and communicate to others that they also can have a friendship with Jesus.

I. JESUS UNDERSTANDS ME BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT I AM THINKING. John 2:24,25; Acts 1:24

II. THE LORD KNOWS ME INSIDE OUT. Psalm 139:1-12

III. HOW CAN I BE LIKE JESUS IN UNDERSTANDING SINCE I CAN'T READ ANOTHER'S MIND? 1 Corinthians 2:11
A. How do you feel when someone tries to read your mind?
B. How accurate are you in reading another's mind?

IV. HOW CAN I HELP OTHERS BE LIKE JESUS IN UNDERSTANDING WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME? Matthew 7:7,8; James 5:14

V. I NEED TO LEARN TO LISTEN. James 1:19
A. Because many people have answers to their own problems; but they need the assistance of friends who can help them draw them out. Proverbs 20:5
B. This means that I need to be slow to talk. James 1:19
1. I cannot talk and listen at the same time.
2. I may speak before I understand, be embarrassed, and be ineffective. Proverbs 18:13
C. Some advice from Jesus.
1. Take heed what you hear. Mark 4:24
2. Take heed how you hear. Luke 8:18
3. Am I trying to learn the truth or am I trying to get my way? John 8:32
4. Have I listened to more than one side of a disagreement? Proverbs 18:17
D. Am I listening to answer or understand?
1. How important is motive in our actions and in the actions of others? Proverbs 4:23
2. Am I irritated at the person to whom I am talking and what they are doing or not doing because it reminds me of something I am doing or not doing? Luke 6:39-45
3. Do you think that many people sin because they want to sin and be unhappy or because they haven't thought through the consequences of their actions? Luke 23:34; Acts 3:17; 1 Corinthians 2:7,8
4. How could it be possible for someone to be living outside of God's will, even for a long time, and not realize it? 1 John 1:8
5. If I can learn to be a friend to others as Jesus is a friend to me in understanding, what are the opportunities for me to help:
a. Others who are my friends? 2 Samuel 12:1-13
(1) How long had it been since David had committed the sins of adultery and murder? 2 Samuel 11:27
(2) If it were possible for David, who was a man after God's own heart, to commit the sins of adultery and murder and not realize the impact of his disobedience for that long, could it be possible for that to happen to people today?
(3) How could listening to understand rather than listening to answer be both more helpful and easier?
b. Myself?
(1) If I learn something about myself while trying to understand others, what are some possible reactions I might have?
(2) How could this be an opportunity for my growth? Psalm 51:6; Psalm 139:23,24; Galatians 6:1
(3) How do I grow, change? Matthew 13:15

The factory engine wouldn’t start
And so they took the thing apart
To search for flaws.
They took it down from top to base,
They looked at flange and gear and case,
To find the cause.
“Something’s broken,” they declared,
“And what it is must be repaired.”

Nearby a drowsy workman stood,
And someone muttered: “He’s no good;
Just let him go.”
They did not take that man apart,
Or think to search his mind and heart,
The cause to know.
Nobody thought to ask him why
There was no luster in his eye.

But had they looked into the gloom
Of what he called a sitting room,
Or searched his life
They would have found a woman frail,
Tubercular and drawn and pale,
Who was his wife.
And then they might have understood
Why he seemed to be no good.

When engines in a factory stop
We search the things from base to top;
But when a man breaks
We seldom pause,
To search his life to find the cause.
Yet we might mend him could we find
The thing that’s preying on his mind.

- Anonymous