Eldership Funeral

     After our elders had been serving at Berry‘s Chapel a little more than two years, the congregation was in the process of selecting additional shepherds. At our February meeting, I asked, “Are you going to have a funeral for the present eldership?”. I was asked to explain.

     It has been my observation that when a church appoints new elders, there is not just one or more in the group but a new eldership, a new group that is different from the one that preceded it. I thought it might be appropriate to have a “funeral” for the old eldership—to recognize the death of that leadership group and to anticipate the “resurrection” of a new group.

     After a brief discussion, I did not hear any more until our March leadership meeting. Our elders, Dennis Crowder, Ron Gambill, and Dennis Makins, told me, “We have decided we want to have an eldership funeral and we want you to preach it.” After some discussion, the date was set for April 3.

After visiting the funeral home with a former elder whose step-father had died, we, along with the youth minister, Jeremy Houck, proceeded to a log cabin in Bell Buckle, Tennessee. After getting settled in for the night, we spent about three hours going over the outline:  Eldership Funeral . 

     ...to be continued.

Discussion Guidelines # 13

25. Would you be willing to tell what you like about this group process, what is helpful and what is not helpful, and in this way give suggestions for improving future discussions?

This can be one of the most helpful guidelines for the leader as well as for the rest of the group.  If the leader is serious and honest, he or she can model a learning attitude that encourages growth.  I like criticism!  When anyone loves me enough to tell me how I can improve, that person is doing me a favor.  If you find salmonella in my refrigerator and tell me about it, you are not hurting me.  You are helping me.  For a one hour presentation on criticism, you can get my CD, “How to Accept, Invite, and Enjoy Criticism”:  Criticism CD .

When I am leading a meeting, I have the choice of the Amos rule, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3), or the Judges rule, “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judges 21:25).  Which rule I choose can make a great difference in the effectiveness of the discussion.

     For the complete list of guidelines:  Discussion Guidelines .

Discussion Guidelines # 12

..see previous posts on "Guidelines"

23.    May we bring up “old business” if we need to clarify or discuss something further?
    Sometimes a comment is countered by, “We’ve already talked about that.”  If a person isn’t finished with an issue, it may need to be discussed again.

24.    May we have permission to make additional rules, if needed, to help this group be more effective?
    This list is not exhaustive.  Some discussions need fewer guidelines, some more.
    In some meetings that involved anticipated conflict, we had the “no shouting” rule.  As the facilitator I have been told that previous meetings had ended in a shouting match which was hurtful.  It was suggested that I call people to account when they were getting too loud.  I decided not to get into the middle of that group’s conflict.  What we negotiated was that when three people held up their hands when a person was getting louder and louder, I would report to the speaker, “Three people in the group think you getting louder than is helpful for this discussion.”  That helps the group be responsible for itself and keeps me out of the middle of a conflict that doesn’t belong to me.
    In some meetings, we have had the “Why are you leaving?” rule.  When I was informed that this group’s meetings often end in people leaving mad, we worked out the agreement that if people left, they would tell why.  This kept people from assuming that people were leaving angry or letting them know that they were angry and possibly why.
   
...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines # 11

...see previous posts on "Guidelines"



21. Are we aware that some of these rules will probably be broken?  What will we learn about ourselves and leadership when they are broken?
a. By us?
b. By others?
Can we ask and answer the question, “What did you learn from that”?  These guidelines form boundaries that are sometimes difficult to remember and/or difficult to keep.  When we hold ourselves and others accountable to do what we agreed to do, it can be helpful.  If a guideline is not helpful, it can be changed.  Self-reporting is especially commendable and an opportunity to teach and give others permission to analyze themselves in the group process.


22. Will we agree to try to apply these Biblical principles to ourselves before we try to “fix” other people who are in this group or people who are not here? Psalm 139:23,24; 1 Corinthians 9:27; 2 Corinthians 13:5; 2 Corinthians 10:12
This may be one of the most difficult.  I often say it is hard to keep everyone in the room during a class or group session.  I want to jump out the window and bring in a friend or an enemy who needs to hear this more than I do.  “I wish John and Mary were here.  They really need to hear this.  Those folks down the street need this.”  I call this the “me first” principle of Bible study.  The first question I need to ask when studying God’s word or implementing principles that I am learning is, “How does this apply to me?”.

...to be continued...

Discussion Guidelines # 10

...see previous posts on "Guidelines"

19. Will we attend all sessions?  If we must be absent, will we tell the group why?

It is a matter of courtesy to be responsible to a group (class, elder’s meeting, committee meeting).  It takes group energy away from group process when a member is late or absent without explanation.  “I wonder if they are sick, had an accident, forgot, or don’t care about our work?”  This can be eliminated by a call or e-mail:  “I will be fifteen minutes late,” or “I am sick and will be unable to be at tonight’s meeting.”

20. Will we agree to not talk about group business during breaks?

This guideline is especially helpful in groups that are learning experiences in how groups work.  If we talk about group business during breaks, we deprive the rest of the group from our thoughts and ourselves of the wisdom of the rest of the group.  If the meeting is dealing with conflict, it is easier to choose sides and plot destruction by subdividing and talking about others during breaks of ten minutes or two days.

...to be continued...

New Class Available at LaVergne

We will start a new class this Thursday at the LaVergne church of Christ:  Learning to Love my Friend(s).  This is a training class that I have lead with many groups.  We have this class now that includes our elders, staff, and spouses.  We meet in our homes.  I have found it helpful for learning to minister to people and for developing better relationships in the group taking the class.


In our Thursday classes, we plan to do an overview of two sessions each month.  Those attending may want to lead these groups in their congregations.


The titles of the classes:


 1.  Opening Lesson

 2.  My Friend Jesus Understands Me

 3.  My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Tired and Lonely

 4.  My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Tempted

 5.  My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Tired and Lonely

 6.  My Friend Jesus Understands Me When I Am Tempted

 7.  My Friend Jesus Tells Me the Truth

 8.  Jesus Is Willing to Help and Serve Me with Patience

 9.  My Friend Brings Out the Best in Me and Challenges Me to Grow

10.  How Can I Be a Friend to Jesus?

For more information, please go to my web site:  Interim Ministry Classes .

Discussion Guidelines # 9

...see previous posts on "Guidelines"


16.  May others respond to what we say?
       Do I have to have the last word or would it be helpful to get feedback?

17.  When we ask a question, will we be willing to tell why we want to know the answer?
       I may want to know why someone is asking questions.  What are you going to do with the information?  Why are you interested?


18.  May a person decide to quit talking when they choose?
      In most groups, I do not require people to talk.  Some people learn better with their mouths open and others learn better with their mouths closed.  Each person can decide which works best for them without pressure.

...to be continued...